Bodie's Birth Story

On Halloween, I woke up a little after 6 to get in my morning workout.  I was determined to keep working out until I gave birth, so I did a virtual BodyPump class in the garage.  Then, we got ready for our fun school “field trip” to the pumpkin patch/sunflower field.  I didn’t feel any different or have any inclination that Bo would start his arrival into the world later that day. 

After our fun and warm morning trying to find the few sunflowers that weren’t dead, we headed home to relax before trick-or-treating.  I was able to take a very brief nap while Luca napped and the kids had TV time.  I was woken up by the loud Halloween spider on the house down the street that constantly annoys everyone.  At least I had about 15-20 minutes of good rest.  I noticed a few contractions that weren’t hard or long, but felt different.  I texted Kyle at 3:27 pm saying I was having contractions. “Not a big deal but slightly more significant than normal maybe.”  There had been a couple other times where I thought “Hmm… maybe this will become something” and they hadn’t amounted to anything.

I came downstairs shortly after to check in with Kyle in his office. Max had been checking to see if his arms fit around my belly for weeks and he had to check again. I had Kyle snap a photo just in case this was the last time he would check. Then, we had a super early dinner of leftovers before trick-or-treating. I had leftover buffalo chicken pizza from Flippin’ Pizza (my favorite) which just so happens to be the dinner I ate before Luca came into the world. 

Thankfully, I pride myself on being a super organized person and had taken individual photos of the big three the day before Halloween so we didn't have to rush around before the big night! At about 5, we went out front to take a couple more photos and set out our skeleton with our candy bowl.  At 5:30 we were ready to start trick-or-treating.  Throughout this entire time, I was having the occasional contraction.  They weren’t worth timing yet and I could talk through them, but I could tell these weren’t just Braxton Hicks.  I would just casually tell Kyle when I had another one.  I have never had a labor stop and then start again, but I never want to assume it's time until it’s super obvious. 

I was pushing the stroller and trying not to make it too obvious that I was quite possibly going into labor.  We were with a lot of our neighbors and even though they’re all wonderful human beings, I don’t like people being aware of the fact that I’m in labor until the baby has arrived.   So, I was doing my best to play it cool in front of everyone.  Occasionally, the contractions were a little harder to walk through.  I would tell Kyle to pay attention to the kids because I couldn’t.  At about 6:30, I had to go to the bathroom and I had finished my water bottle, so I was ready to go home.  I walked back with our neighbors, Heather, Dusty, Zoe & Baby Madi, and Luca.  I told Heather what was going on because she was my backup helper if I went into labor before my sister arrived, which happened to be the next day.  She told me she would have her phone on her and be ready if I needed her!  I was already starting to think this was it and my sister wasn’t going to make it, again.

When I got home, I went to the bathroom and noticed the tiniest bit of blood and knew he was coming relatively soon.  I filled up my water and then got Luca all ready for bed.  She had still been nursing at night up until the day before, but I told her I could not nurse her  and just cuddled her.  Every time I had a contraction and she would touch my stomach it was not comfortable.  I still wasn’t in immense pain, but they were getting more intense.  Kyle texted to see if I was okay and I assured him I was.  They trick-or-treated for a bit more. I texted my sister at 7:04 saying, “I’m having contractions…Little bit of blood.”  I figured she was asleep because she was waking up around 1am EST to drive to the airport to catch a flight to California.  When I put Luca down and left her room, I called Stephanie at 7:29.  I told her I was pretty sure I was in labor and she said something like, “Oh no!!”  (Stephanie has tried to be at all my births, but has only made it to Luca’s.)  We talked for a bit while I went to the bathroom again, saw more blood, and cried, again, because she was missing it.  Kyle came home about this time to find me crying on the toilet.  

After I got off the phone with her, I texted my midwife, Courtney, at 7:38 saying, “Hey I’ve been having some contractions.  Home from trick or treating and when I went to the bathroom there was a tiny bit of blood.  I timed them just a little while rocking Luca.  Only about 30 seconds and about 5 minutes apart.  I’m gonna shower, hydrate a lot and lay down.”  She told me to update her when I was done, and I told her they were similar, maybe slightly spaced out.  She told me to keep hydrating and we both hoped the baby would hold out until my sister arrived, but she assured me her Halloween festivities were over so I would be no bother whenever I needed her.  While I had been showering, Kyle got the big three ready for bed and we told them Bo was most likely coming tonight.  They were so excited.  

Kyle and I got a few things ready, like the camera, the sheets, towels, etc.  Then I got in bed between 8 and 8:30.  I tried to take a photo of us and we were blinded by the flash. The kids were very sweet and kept asking how they could help.  They kept asking if Bo was coming!  Max and Micah rubbed my back a bit through a few contractions.  I had to tell them not to touch my stomach because it hurt.  Max helped time a few contractions on my phone.  I would alternate between laying on my side in bed and going to the bathroom.  I wanted to keep my bladder empty!  Every time I went to the bathroom, there was a bit more blood. 

At 9:48 I texted Courtney that contractions were getting a little closer and more intense, but they weren’t super long.  I sent a screenshot of the latest contractions.  I also told her I was shaking/shivering a bit.  She replied that she thought she and Ceniza should head up and asked if I was having more bloody discharge.  I told her there was not a lot of mucus, but more blood every time.  She asked if I was having pelvic floor pressure with contractions, and I said just a little.  She asked, “Do you feel like things are shifting?” I replied, “Possibly.  I feel a little too with it between them if you know what I mean but I wouldn’t mind you guys coming I think.  Little worried it might still be a while but I do keep shaking.”  She said, “Ok, we will just start getting ready and head your way.”  (Ceniza is another midwife.  She and Courtney assist at each other’s client’s births and she had also been at Luca’s.)  She informed me her ETA was 10:36.  

When she arrived, she said “I just parked.  I’m going to unload some stuff by the front door.  How are you feeling?” Kyle read me the text while I was on the toilet again and my response was, “I’m feeling everything.”  I remember feeling things intensely physically and I was getting pretty emotional about meeting Bo soon.  I had always had a lot of emotions during my labors, but this one was clearly different.  I had already cried a few times since the contractions started about meeting my rainbow baby.  Throughout most of my pregnancy, I felt so guarded.  I didn’t feel sure I was going to meet my baby.  Around 35 weeks was the first time I truly thought about and spoke about labor and I will never forget Courtney saying to me, “You can prepare to meet this baby” at my appointment with her and I bawled.  Finally being in labor was overwhelming in the best way.  I really was going to meet this baby and it was the most amazing feeling.

I was still on the toilet when Courtney came upstairs.  I was very happy to see her.  I said I wanted to get in the tub if she felt like it wasn’t too early.  With Luca’s labor, it was so intense so fast, I felt like I was in transition almost immediately.  With Bo, I felt like I was “too with it” and aware between contractions that I couldn’t possibly be that far along.  I didn’t want to do anything too early.    

Courtney listened to the baby and he sounded great.  Hearing his heartbeat was incredible.  A little after 11, the tub was ready and I got in.  I had Courntey take a photo of Kyle and I before things got too intense.  We also woke up the three big kids and set them up in the bathroom on the nugget to rest and wait.  Riley and Max both fell back asleep on the nugget in the bathroom, but Micah was awake for the rest of the time.  We also set up the computer with Stephanie on FaceTime in the shower.  She was getting ready to head to the airport soon.  At 11:11, I asked Kyle to text Heather, asking if she could come over.  We said it’s not imminent but I think it will be soon.  I still felt so much more present than I did while in labor with Luca and was worried I was having people come too soon, but I also didn’t want it to be pure chaos when I wanted the kids to wake up.  

While I was in the tub, I kept trying to switch positions in the hopes it would bring the baby down faster.  I would alternate putting one leg up in a half squat position.  I also got out once to use the bathroom again.  I was determined to not let my bladder get in the baby’s way.  Between 11-12, Courtney & Ceniza kept encouraging me to eat as much as I could.  I didn’t actually want anything to eat, but I know it’s good to have energy, so I tried.  Kyle gave me a bite of banana with peanut butter, but it had way too much peanut butter.  It made everyone laugh how hard it was for me to eat.  I also had some applesauce, yogurt which tasted so dry, and lots of water.    

At some point, I said to Courtney, “I don’t think I’ll be having a Halloween baby.” She replied, “No, his birthday will be the 1st” because it was already past midnight, but I don’t remember exactly what time it was.

My water broke at 12:04.  I asked Heather to get Luca and started talking to Max to try to wake him up because no one could get him up.  I tried to get into a better position to be ready to push soon, I hoped.  I knew Kyle didn’t necessarily want to get into the tub, but I asked him to please get behind me with his legs in the water, so I could have support and be able to sit forward in the tub more so my feet could have traction at the end of the tub.  (This was something I learned the hard way during Riley’s labor.)

At 12:13 with a contraction, it sort of felt better to push, but didn’t feel totally overwhelming like I HAD to, which I have felt in previous labors.  Looking back, it did remind me a bit of Riley’s labor because sometimes it felt slightly better to push, but not always.  This will make sense in a bit.  Courtney was so calming and reminded me to just let my body do the work and not to tense my body, but it was getting very hard to stay relaxed.  I wanted him to come out so badly, obviously, but because Luca came so fast after my water broke, this seemed to be taking a very long time.  Riley and Luca were watching this whole time, so sweetly.  Luca also kept eating all of my labor snacks which was hilarious.  Micah was on the edge of the corner of the tub watching.  She was doing great, but was a little worried seeing me in pain.  

At 12:20, I did something I had never done before.  I reached my hand try to feel him and I actually felt his head.  I burst into the strangest laugh/cry that has ever come out of my mouth.  I cried, “Oh Baby, I love you so much!”  Courtney told me to feel him come into my hand with the next contraction.  He still felt a bit far away and Courtney said he still had to come down a bit and perhaps there was a lip of the cervix in the way.  (Courtney has never checked my dilation because it hasn’t been necessary.)  While having a contraction, I would either call out to Kyle or Courtney, wanting reassurance that they were there and I was doing okay.  I kept asking Courtney if everything I was doing was okay.  

At 12:24, while having a contraction, Luca said “Baby!” Riley: “Yes, he’s gonna come!”  

At 12:26, I had a big contraction, “I’m pushing!” It was so intense.  I screamed for Kyle and yelled, “He’s coming! Courtney, help me!” Did I mention it was intense?  I semi-frantically said, “Tell me when his head is out. Tell me when his head is out.”  I felt certain that it should have been all the way out.  Courtney told me later that his head came out to his forehead and then he sort of stopped.  This was a sign to her of what was to come.  I didn’t know what was happening, but it did feel different because it should have come out faster.  I think it took about 33 seconds from when I knew his head was coming until it was all the way out.  It was 12:27am. 

Courtney told me to take a deep breath as I was having a bit of a hard time staying calm.  I panted, “I’m trying. I’m trying.  I can’t.  I can’t.  I can do it.  I can do it!” (I was psyching myself up!) Courtney had me scoot back a little and bring my hips forward a little to prepare for the next push.  With the next contraction, I tried pushing again and screamed a bit.  Courtney, the super hero that she is, calmly said, “Alright Sam, we need to get out of the tub.”  I looked at her, feeling a split second of fear, “Oh no.” She said, “It’s okay” “Okay,” I replied, looking at her and shaking my head.  “We need to get out of the tub,” she repeated.  “You’re gonna stand right up.” “Help me,” I asked Kyle and Courtney as they helped me stand up and get my legs over the tub, all while my sweet little boy’s head was out between my legs.  Ceniza helped me as well as Courtney instructed me to get on my hands and knees with my left foot up.  “You’re gonna take a deep breath in and give me a push.  Sorry Sam, lots of pressure.” Courtney had to reach in on either side of our baby because his shoulder was stuck in my pelvic bone.  (This is called Shoulder Dystocia.)  “Lord help me, Jesus help me!” I shouted.  Courtney said, “Take a deep breath and push.”  It hurt so bad and I was not quiet or calm at all, but I pushed with all my might.  

At 12:29, Bo came out, Courtney caught him, and then slid him under me onto my padded gathre mat (just another use for that incredible product).  She asked Ceniza to give him a breath, “resus” & instructed me to sit down.  I looked at my little boy, and did in fact see he was a boy immediately, and said “Lord.” I didn’t have any other words, but God knew I needed him and he was there with us keeping my little boy safe.  (In the background, you could hear Riley and Luca cheering that the baby was here.  Max and Micah were watching with a bit of concern, but at the time I was solely focused on Bo.)  Courtney told us they were just giving Bo a little help breathing.  I told her, “I just need to touch him” and reached down to get him.  She said, “Yes, touch your baby. Talk to your baby.” I started pulling him to my chest, saying “Bo, Bo, Bo” and she told me “He’s coming, I’m just going to keep stimulating.” She was rubbing along his back.  “Mommy’s here,” I assured him.  Kyle asked if I was alright, and I told him calmly, “I’m okay. I’m fine.”  Courtney was still stimulating his back and said, “I just have to check him.”  I told him, “You got it buddy, you got it”  and then he let out the most beautiful little cry and I burst into tears.  I hadn't been afraid that he wasn’t going to be okay, but that first cry is so overwhelming in the absolute best way. Courtney said, “Good job Bo!” and he let out another great cry.  “Thank you Jesus!” I shouted, then looked at Courtney, “Thank you Courtney” I sobbed.  Then, I turned to my amazing husband, crying, “Kyle!  My baby’s here!” I was SO overwhelmed with emotions and so unbelievably happy he was crying, healthy and in my arms at last. 

Luca and Riley were jumping up and down in excitement and Luca kept screaming, “Baby!” Micah was closely watching and observing and Max was not far behind, just a little out of his comfort zone as he told us later.  I asked Courtney if I should get back into the tub to deliver the placenta, but she said we would do that on the bed.  Then, I asked Courtney what happened and she told me I had a shoulder dystocia. I also noticed a ton of meconium. Bo had pooped all over our rug on his way out!  

At 12:31, somebody realized Steph’s face time had disconnected, so Courtney called her back and we told her the baby was here!  Then, I was helped to the bed to deliver the placenta.  All the kids gathered around me as we stared at our beautiful baby boy we had waited so long to meet.  

Courtney and Ceniza gave me some herbs to help with potential hemorrhaging, which has an increased chance of happening with a shoulder dystocia.  First, they put a tincture under my tongue and it tasted like a disgusting shot.  Then I drank some Chinese herbal tea that tasted like dirt, but I was happy to do it to avoid any dangerous complications or a shot of pitocin.  After Micah, Riley & Luca’s birth, I had more bleeding than normal, so I had to have a shot of pitocin and it always made me so sad that I had labored and given birth naturally and then needed to be shot up with a drug at the end.  Courtney knew this and had put me on an alfalfa regime leading up to labor.  Thankfully, no pitocin was needed! 

My placenta wasn’t coming out, so they had me get on my hands and knees and while looking at Bo, at 12:45,  it came out.  “Praise God” I said, feeling that beautiful, amazing relief.  

Then, I was able to lay back down and cuddle my sweet little boy while all his big siblings looked on in awe and amazement.  Courtney showed us the placenta, telling us which side was the baby’s side and which side was my side.  Max said, “It's kind of weird!”  Courtney also pointed out that this was the size of the wound inside my body, making sure the kids heard that part.  This is one of my favorite things she has said to me about taking care of my body after the baby is born.  She told all the kids that it’s really important that I rest and stay in bed.  All four kids listened quietly.  It was a miracle.  

Around 12:50, he latched for the first time.  Then, Kyle got our celebratory orange juice.  It was absolutely delicious and well earned, if I do say so myself.  

At 1:02, Kyle held his new son for the first time.  All the kids were around him and Luca kept saying, “Touch! Touch!”  Everyone was so excited he was here.  He cried a little and Kyle said, “What do you think he’s saying?” Riley said, “He’s talking about his birthday!” Kyle said, “I think he said Go Phillies!” Riley laughed and Luca copied, but Riley was not convinced.  “He hasn’t even watched them,”  she told her dad.  

(These photos melt my heart, seeing Kyle surrounded by his children.)

At 1:15, he nursed again and we all sat in bed as a family of 7!  At 1:32, Kyle cut the cord.  A tiny bit of blood came out and Micah said, “It’s gross!”  Then we got ready to weigh him.  Everybody guessed his weight and then we found out he was 8 pounds 4 ounces.  Heather was the closest guess and Max was second.  Then, Courtney completed the newborn exam and the kids especially loved it when she made Bo “walk.”  

After the exam, it was the kid’s turn to hold their new brother.  After much discussion, Micah was the first to hold him, followed by Max, then Riley, then Luca.  Seeing each of them hold him for the first time was so sweet.  They love him so much and were all so excited for him to arrive.  It felt like we had all been waiting so long for this moment and it was so amazing.  We enjoyed being together as a family, admiring our newest addition.  Then Kyle put Luca to bed as we were wrapping things up with Courtney.

Heather went home around 2:30 and we thought Riley went to sleep, but after Courtney went over all the postnatal and newborn care information and then left, Riley popped back into our room.  After 3:30, the big three finally left our room to go sleep in the playroom.  Max came back a few times and kept saying, “I just don't want to leave Bo!”  It is so sweet and beautiful how much they all love him.  Then, Kyle settled into bed and I laid there, in Heaven, holding my new son who was safe and sound in my arms.  I couldn’t believe he was here.  For one, I was preparing to not go into labor until around 41 weeks.  Secondly, after losing Winter, it felt so miraculous that I was holding our new baby, here, in my arms.  At some point before going to sleep, I told Kyle that I wish we were holding our lost baby, but that Bo felt like a gift from him/her because without that loss, this child wouldn’t be here.  It’s a very bittersweet, heartbreaking feeling knowing that without that loss, this child wouldn’t exist.  It’s hard to feel okay about it, but I am so grateful for Bo and for his beautiful life.  His birth gave me peace that I had been missing and made me feel like I could breathe again.

As I drifted off to sleep, I had never felt happier, or more content and like myself.  I was a mother to 5 beautiful babies here on Earth with a special angel baby watching over us all in Heaven.  

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To my SuperHero Midwife, Courtney, I cannot thank you enough. Thank you for walking alongside me as I navigated a pregnancy after loss.  Thank you for encouraging me, helping me and for not thinking I was crazy as I sobbed through labor.  Thank you for safely and calmly delivering our son. You are the actual best.  

Heather, thank you for stepping in and helping us when Bo surprised us with an early entry into the world.  You’re the best neighbor and friend anyone could have, seriously. Sorry and you’re welcome for the show. :)  I’m so grateful for you and our friendship.

Stephanie, I am sorry you missed another one.  Thank you for trying your best to be there and for being my facetime doula once again.  Thank you for the excellent postnatal care I have come to depend upon.  I’m so glad you’re my sister.    

To my sweet Bodie, thank you for patching up my broken heart and filling our family with so much love and hope.  You are the sweetest gift and the biggest blessing to us all.  We needed you and are so grateful you’re ours.  

Kyle, the word “thank you” is never big enough for you.  You are my rock and I, quite literally, do not know what I would do without you.  I love you more every day and am so thankful we have chosen each other day after day.  You are the actual best: the best partner, the best birth coach, the best dad.  I love you forever and ever and always.  Thank you for all of my beautiful children in our arms and in our hearts.    

Thank you, Jesus, for this new life, especially after loss.  Thank you for protecting him while he grew inside me and on his intense way out into this world.

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Bodie Maverick Burns

November 1, 2022 @ 12:29am 8 lbs 4 oz 20.5”

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”

— Psalm 139:13-14

Luca Joy's Birth Story

I had felt physically and emotionally ready to give birth for weeks.  I do love being pregnant & recognize the true miracle it is… but the end is rough and I was tired of being tired.  Everything hurt, I waddled like a penguin and missed having a lap.  I was also so ready to meet my baby girl and hold her. I really, really wanted her to arrive before Christmas.  There were a few random nights where my Braxton Hicks contractions would increase ever so slightly and I would feel somewhat hopeful that I might go into labor. Each morning I would wake up and I was still very pregnant.  On December 14th my sister, Stephanie, and her family arrived.  Steph, who was our Bradley instructor and doula, had tried to be at all of my births, but for a variety of reasons, she never made it in time.  I was so thankful she was here before I had the baby, but then anxiety set in that I was going to be terribly late this time and she would either have to leave or not be able to go home for Christmas.  Thankfully, I was anxious for nothing, but try telling that to a 39-40 week pregnant lady.  

Anyways, on with the show…  On Friday, December 18th, we invited our neighbors, Dusty, Heather & Zoe, over for pizza with us and the Atteberry family.  I had a very strong craving for Flippin’s buffalo chicken pizza. (If you’ve had it, you understand.)  My amazing husband lovingly obliged.  Nothing during the day made me think I would go into labor that night.  I had a lovely day. I was able to workout virtually on Facebook Live with my favorite instructor from my old gym. Steph and Kyle Atteberry took the kids out to the park for almost the entire day, so I actually got to relax a ton. I had lunch and baked cookies with Kaila while she chatted up a storm. I even took a nice long bath and read a book! I had no “feeling” that tonight was the night. Thankfully, it was. Sometime between 8:00 or 8:30 I had my first contraction.  It wasn’t strong, but it did feel different than the Braxton Hicks Contractions I had been having.  Heather went home to put Zoe to bed, but Kyle, Kyle Atteberry and Dusty continued talking about politics and jets.  Stephanie and I started cleaning up and getting the kids ready for bed.  I didn’t say anything to anyone for a little because I didn’t want to jinx anything.  (How naive I was.)  I had a contraction in the kitchen where the guys were talking and Dusty noticed and asked if I was okay.  (My truly amazing husband was completely oblivious, but I still love him with all of my heart.) I just blew it off saying that I was fine and it was just cramps which usually go away.  As I was getting the kids ready, I had a few more contractions.  For a couple of them I needed to focus on my breath a bit and had to pause what I was doing.  I remember one specifically when I was getting Riley dressed in her room and I had to stop what I was doing completely until it passed.  The next time I saw my sister I told her “They might stop, but I’ve definitely been having some contractions!”  I didn’t want to get too excited, but was starting to think that this might actually be it.

At 8:55, I was upstairs and texted Kyle “It could stop, but I’m definitely having contractions.” He asked if I needed him, but I replied, “No, but wanted to make sure you knew. Some of them hurt. Riley’s going potty and I’m trying to get her down.” I remember putting the big kids to bed and almost telling Max that I was having contractions, but didn’t want him to get too excited. Hindsight is 20/20, but I really wish I would have because waking him up abruptly proved to be a bit of a problem later. We’ll get to that… At 9:25, I texted Kyle again asking him to bring a few things upstairs and told him to “wrap it up soon just in case.” Steph had helped me get a few things ready too, like the video camera. 

I took these photos at 9:28 pm and was definitely thinking “I hope this is it!”

At 9:46, I texted my midwife, Courtney, “Definitely having some contractions.  I haven’t started timing yet, but I’m laying down now to see what happens!”  She replied, “Ok!!  Keep me posted, I’ll be ready when you need me.”

At 9:50 I texted Kyle again that they hurt and to bring up the exercise ball.  Kyle came up around 10:00 with the random things I had asked for.  I put on my birth playlist which was a mix of my favorite slow Christmas songs, including 5 different versions of Silent Night, and some of my other favorite slow/inspiring songs, including “Whisper” by Lindsey & Nick Mousetis, “Better Place” by Rachel Platten, “You Say” by Lauren Daigle, “Invisible String” by Taylor Swift and Walk in Love’s “Best Day with You!”  

Between 10 and 10:20, I was lying on my bed breathing through contractions which were around 1 minute long and ranging from 3 to 5 minutes apart.  I remember being surprised with how hard they already felt.  I started shaking at some point and Steph told me later she couldn’t believe I was already showing so many signs of advanced labor so quickly.  I went to the bathroom and hated how it felt sitting on the toilet.  During the next few contractions, I tried various positions.  I tried sitting on the exercise ball… I hated it.  I tried sitting on the bed in a contour chair position… I hated it.  I tried sitting backwards on the toilet… I didn’t hate it, but I definitely didn’t love it.  Then, I tried the “labor dance” position, which is basically just standing with my arms around Kyle as he supported me and held me up.  Steph was being an awesome doula, offering suggestions, but it just all hurt so much.  Kyle would ask me questions about what I wanted to do and I remember saying “You’re asking me too many questions!” Ha!  I didn’t know what I wanted, besides for this baby to come out of me.  Steph asked if I wanted to walk because that speeds up labor, but I couldn’t imagine moving much besides swaying side to side with Kyle.  I kept telling them “I can’t believe how much this hurts already.”  I didn’t say it out loud, but I was a little worried about feeling this intense for hours still.  Riley’s labor was only about 7 hours long in total, but feeling this much pain for 7 hours was daunting.  There was little to no “amp up” time.  It hurt hard fast.  While in the labor dance position, I would try my best to relax during a contraction and just allow Kyle to hold me up, but it was really hard.  He was great though and probably got quite a workout holding up my giant pregnant self.  Steph was also pushing on my hips which relieved some of the pain.  

At 10:50, Steph sent Courtney a screenshot of my contractions, which were getting closer together, averaging 2 minutes or so apart, but still weren’t longer than a minute. She asked if I was feeling pressure and said she was ready to come. They hurt like heck, but I wasn’t sure if I was feeling pressure down there. By 11:11, I told Steph and Kyle that I wanted Courtney to come. The contractions were short, but very intense. I just couldn’t get over the feeling that this was happening so fast, so I wondered how it could already be time, but I’m really glad we told her to come! During a postpartum visit, when we were talking about my labor, she told me that she wanted to come with the first text about my contractions and was literally sitting at home completely ready to go and waiting for the text. She was also so glad that I texted so soon after that she should come! (She had about a 40 minute drive.)

At 11:18, I got in the tub. I was a little worried about getting in too soon, but simultaneously felt like I was ready for it. I had one easy contraction while I was leaning over the side of the tub in a squatting position, and then the next one was awful. Kyle tried to put pressure on my hips. Nothing felt great, but it was better to recline back a bit with Kyle holding my hand. I was beyond thankful Steph was there for this labor because I couldn’t imagine Kyle leaving my side and she was able to refill my water, get me applesauce and help with so many things. They both kept kindly reminding me to breathe, and I kept saying “I’m trying!” It was so hard to relax and breathe properly. I felt like I wasn’t doing a great job because it was super hard to stay calm. Thankfully, Kyle and Steph were both telling me I was doing great, so we’re gonna go with their opinions here.

During previous labors, I would ask Kyle to take a few photos before I was really in the heat of things. That didn’t happen this time, but thankfully, Stephanie snapped a few pictures laboring in the tub with my amazing coach by my side! The third photo makes me laugh because the look on my face is so telling about how I was feeling… Super excited but in awe of the pain, so it’s a bit of a forced/awkward smile! Also, whoa belly!

At 11:56, Courtney arrived and I was so grateful to have her there.  Physically, I still felt pretty terribly, as to be expected, but emotionally it was a huge relief seeing her.  I remember thinking about whether I should have the kids woken up, but was worried about doing that too soon.  (Silly Sam!)  Courtney’s assistant, Cinisa, arrived at 12:08.  At 12:25, Steph noted that she saw blood tinged mucus.  At 12:32, Courtney listened to the baby’s heartbeat and she sounded good.  I tried switching positions again and got on my knees, leaning over the tub.  At 12:36, I didn’t have a choice but to push with a contraction and I felt a gush as my water broke!  I screamed for Steph to get the kids!  (This is the one thing about Luca’s labor that I wish could have gone differently.  Looking back, I wish we would have gotten the kids out of bed much sooner so it wouldn’t have been so abrupt and chaotic.)  While she was gone, I looked at Courtney and said, “Courtney, tell me the best thing to do right now” very seriously.  I think I wanted to be in the best possible position and wasn’t exactly sure what that was.  Courtney asked if I was comfortable and then suggested I switch to leaning back in the tub again because I told her my one leg didn’t feel right.  I looked at her again and said, “Courtney tell me what to do.”  During Riley’s labor, I felt a bit confused at times because I didn’t really have the urge to push, but sometimes it would feel better and I distinctly remembered feeling confused, so I think I was being proactive and trying to communicate, to the best of my ability, while in active labor.   

At this point, Micah was in the bathroom, balling.  Steph had gotten Max and Micah out of their beds, waking up Alton & Stellia in the process.  This didn’t go over well for Max and he was freaking out and crying.  He was thrashing a bit when Steph was holding him which caused her to accidentally bump Micah’s head into the wall.  So, when they arrived in the bathroom, they were both screaming and crying.  It wasn’t peaceful at all, but such is life.  It adds a nice touch of comedy to the story.  When I saw Micah, she had a huge knot on her forehead and she was super upset because she wanted me to hold her, which I couldn’t exactly do at the moment.  Later, Steph said she was impressed with how calm I was seeing Micah balling her eyes out with a giant knot on her forehead.  I didn’t see Max, but heard him crying.  He was on the floor in the bathroom.  Cinisa was about to listen to the baby’s heartbeat again, but I, not so calmly, asked her to “please wait, please wait!” because a contraction was coming.  I yelled for Kyle to hold my hand and tried my best to handle the contraction.  Micah was crying next to me the whole time, so I looked at her and said “Hey Micah, do you want to meet your baby?!”  She kept crying.  Kaila brought Riley into the bathroom at this point, and she calmly stood on the tub, watching and waiting.  I called out, “Where’s Max?” and Kaila tried to get him, but he was crying, saying he didn’t want to see. I asked if somebody could push against my right leg so I could push better and my sister, amazingly and lovingly, obliged.  She stuck her leg in the bath, pushing her foot against my foot.  (This was another thing I had learned from pushing Riley out.  It was hard to push, feeling like my leg didn’t have a strong foothold.) I tried my best to help Micah. I looked at her and in a very calm and serious voice said, “Everyone, it’s okay.” She told me later she cried because she wanted me to hold her, which I obviously couldn’t quite do. I told Max I needed him, but he wasn’t ready to come over.  Cinisa listened to the baby’s heart again and she sounded good.  Kaila was finally able to hold Micah and calm her down a little. I was having a decent break in contractions at this point, while trying my best to calm down my other children. (Being a mother never stops, even while in the second stage of labor.)  Thankfully, between contractions, I felt very present and calm as I talked to the other kids. Steph said, “Girl you know this is love right here” and pointed out that her leg, jeans and all, were in the tub with me in all my glory.  She also stuck the Go-Pro in the water for some underwater birth footage that I will not be sharing with anyone but my sister and midwife, ha! (It was pretty amazing though!)

At 12:41, another contraction came and I pushed with it. Courtney kept calmly reminding me to go nice and slow as her head was crowning.  Steph said she could see her head and she had lots of dark hair! Kaila noted, “That was fast!” I could hear what people were saying to me while I had a contraction, but it wasn’t completely registering, so I said, “Talk to me.. what’s out?!” I was reassured her head was out and instantly felt so much better knowing one of the hardest parts was done.  I looked up at one of the kids with a huge mile on my face. As I waited for another contraction, I tried to talk Max into coming over to watch telling him I loved him and wanted him, but he wasn’t having it. I reached down and felt the baby’s head and her hair! Courtney asked if I felt the urge to push, which I didn’t yet, but I asked her twice to tell me if I needed to push.  I knew the baby would be okay for a little while with just her head out, but wanted reassurance that someone would tell me otherwise, which of course they would. After the fact, Courtney and I talked about this and she said she was never worried about how long her head was out.  I looked at Riley with a huge smile at that point and said, “Riley Ryan!” and then felt another contraction coming, saying “Okay, it’s coming” and held my breath and tried to push as hard as I could.  Kyle was right behind me, holding my hand and telling me how great I was doing.  Courtney kept encouraging me, “nice strong push, nice strong push” and after probably 10-11 seconds, at 12:42, she came out.  Steph and Courtney both told me to reach down and grab her, which I did!  I pulled her up to my chest with a huge smile, immense relief and so much joy.   

Kyle’s eyes were locked on his new daughter as we waited to hear that precious first cry and I whispered, “I did it.”  Kyle was instantly in love and just said, “Aww…” as he wrapped his arms around me.  I asked Courtney if she was okay and then said, “Max, Micah, Riley! She’s here!” I kept cuddling her and said, “Oh, she’s so purple!”  She was, by far, my most purple baby, but we were all calm.  She was awake, but not crying yet.  Courtney asked if it was okay to give her a few breaths.  She said she was good but a little bit stunned.  I asked Courtney if she was okay a couple times and she was so calm and reassured me she was fine, she just needed a little stimulation.  I wasn’t really worried and kept saying, “Everything’s okay, everything’s okay.”  Micah was a little concerned and asked, “Courtney, what are you doing?”  I whispered a quick prayer and Steph and Courtney kept telling me she was pinking up and was good and then she let out that beautiful, amazing first cry. That first cry is, by far, the greatest sound on Earth.  Praise God!  I can barely describe how elated I was at that point.  Her APGAR at 1 minute was 5, then 8 and then 10.

My sister was taking a video on my phone from this angle and screenshot these photos. The first one if right when I brought her to my chest and the second is after that glorious first cry. They’re blurry and grainy, but two of my favorite photos ever taken.

Kyle tried again to get Max to come over to me, but he was still not ready.  I was super excited, looked at Riley and said, “Riley! She’s out of Mommy’s belly!” Courtney kept stimulating her and said “That was a big journey for you and a fast one too!”  We tried to get Micah or Riley to share her name, but Micah said, “Aunt Stephanie, what’s her name?”  They were both being shy and wouldn’t share the name yet.  She started crying a bit more and Kyle asked if we knew for sure she was a girl.  We checked and confirmed.  Courtney asked if I was feeling any cramps, which I wasn’t yet.  After a few minutes, I started to push out the placenta.  Courtney was starting to get a little concerned with my bleeding.  We had talked about this before because with both Micah & Riley I was given a shot of Pitocin to help with my bleeding.  She knew I didn’t want it, but would obviously get it if it was completely necessary.  When she asked if she could administer it, I asked, “Do you think I really need it?” and knew when she said yes that I did.  Courtney made me feel calm, but I still wasn’t thrilled.  It doesn’t matter how many babies I push out, the thought of a shot still makes me way more nervous.  Kyle was holding Riley and she said, “I love her!”  Micah was pretty concerned at this point and asked me if I was okay and I was able to calmly reassure her that everything was fine even though there was a little blood.  Then, I pushed part of the placenta out and shouted, “Praise God!”  It’s such a relief.  Steph grabbed Micah and helped reassure her that everything was okay.  There was a little bit left behind, “trailing membranes” Courtney called it, so I got into a squat with the help of Steph and Cinisa.  (This was part of the reason I had a bit more bleeding than is considered “normal.”) Courtney instructed me to cough/push and the rest of the placenta came out at 12:50!  It felt amazing.  

Micah was crying again and I kept telling her that I was good and didn’t hurt anymore and I was so happy!  The poor thing just wanted me to hold her.  Kyle brought Max over, who was still a little upset and shy.  I told Courtney, “That was a little different than I expected, but such is life” and we all laughed commenting on life with four kids.  Riley was asking what the placenta was.  Max told Kyle he was worried about the baby and didn’t like seeing the blood.  We tried again to get someone to share her name, but they were all being shy.  Kyle asked Riley and she replied, “Riley!”  I asked what time it was to figure out what day it was!

She was 12 minutes old, “Silent Night” was playing and I passed Luca to Kyle to hold her for the first time.  As soon as I handed her over, I noticed Luca had pooped on my hand!  The placenta was still connected to Luca and in a tray, so Steph helped hold that.  Luca let out some nice big cries and Kyle jokingly said, “Aww, just like your sisters!” because I am definitely their current favorite.  Courtney helped me out of the tub so I could sit on the side before I stood up completely. I felt really good as they helped situate me so I could get to the bed.  This is the fourth time I’ve done this, but it still amazes me how much better I feel instantly after giving birth.  I went from the most intense, excruciating pain to feeling refreshed and healthy as can be in a matter of seconds. It’s truly a miracle.

Once I was in bed, Kyle gave Luca back to me and Courtney and Cinisa checked my blood pressure, temperature and all that jazz.  All was good.  Micah and Riley were in bed with me and kept asking what Luca was saying anytime she made a noise or a cry.  We talked about how fast the labor was and Kyle finally got Micah to share the name.  Stephanie and Kaila “oohed and awed.”  Steph shared that Kyle Atteberry had guessed it would be a “boy name” and he and Stephen even had a $5 bet on the matter!  Riley kept saying, “Her come out?!  That her!” When she cried again, Micah asked what she said, and I pretended to be Luca saying, “Do you guys have any idea where I’ve just been?  I came out of Mommy’s vagina!” to which Riley replied, “I have a gina!”  She even looked at her belly to see if a baby was there.  The girls couldn’t stop looking at her and touching her.  Micah touched the cord and declared it was “squishy!”  Riley said “I love her.  Her love me?!”  Kyle was talking to Max about seeing the baby and me, but he expressed concern about the cord because he didn’t want to see it. They were talking about cutting it and Kyle compared it to cutting hair, so Max knew it wouldn’t hurt her.  Kyle checked on me and we discovered that Luca had pooped on me some more.  Max thought that was funny.  

Finally, Max came over to see Luca and I started crying immediately.  He was so sweet and happy to see her and touch her.  He gave me a hug and I kissed him and felt overwhelming joy.  Then, Steph brought us our orange juice, a Bradley birth tradition, and we cheersed to baby Luca!  I still couldn’t stop talking about how fast everything was, how dark her hair was, and how amazing it was that we were already home!  Micah asked if I was nervous when I was having the baby and I thought that was such a sweet question.  I told her I wasn’t nervous, but that sometimes it was really hard, but Daddy, Aunt Stephanie and Courtney helped me so much! 

At 1:25, she latched for the first time.  Micah still hadn’t left my side and kept checking on Luca.  After checking my uterus and bleeding again, which was all good, we got ready to cut the cord.  We discovered Luca has a little birthmark on her toe that is shaped like a Christmas stocking and we all oohed and awed again. At 1:38 am, Courtney clamped the cord and Kyle cut it with Riley’s “help.” Riley was so proud of herself and she gave us high fives when she was done!

Kyle held Luca again while I used the bathroom and took a quick, but glorious, shower.  Then it was time for the kids to hold Luca for the first time!  Max got to go first because Micah was going to put Luca’s first diaper on.  Micah was next and was instantly in heaven as she held her new baby sister for the first time.  Max kept touching her hands and kissing her while Micah had her.  Then, it was Riley’s turn.  Luca cried a bit and it made Riley a little nervous, but as she calmed down she gave her kisses and kept touching her gently.  We all cuddled on the bed for our first family photo of SIX!  Riley asked for her again, which instantly made Micah furious because she wanted to hold her.  There were a lot of big emotions coming out!  

Then, Micah happily held her again and kissed her, a lot.  Max had another turn and then we FaceTimed Papou & YiaYia.  (Steph had tried to call them during labor, but they weren’t able to answer.)  They were shocked to see a baby already and realized they missed the whole thing!  We shared some of the birth story with them and then Micah put Luca’s first diaper on!  She was such a proud big sister.  

Around 3am, after Luca nursed again, it was time for Courtney to perform the newborn exam and weigh our little lady.  I had a feeling that she wasn’t quite as big as Riley had been, but I knew she wasn’t a “little” baby.  Sure enough, I was right.  She was 8 pounds, 4 ounces and 21.5 inches long.  After the exam, where she was as perfect as can be, Aunt Stephanie held her for the first time!  

Around 3:45, the Burnses were starting to majorly fade.  Kyle put Max to bed and Micah and Riley both fell asleep in our bed.  Kyle eventually transferred them into their own beds.  Courtney left around 4:30 after going over all the discharge notes, etc. and scheduled to come back the following day to check on us!  Kyle and I “went to sleep,” aka, we took turns sleeping while the other did their best to stay awake while holding our precious Luca.

Even though I had been so ready for her to arrive, it still seemed surreal that she was actually here.  I was elated to finally be holding her in my arms and smelling her heavenly baby smell. I was so thankful that I wasn’t pregnant anymore.  I had four kids and couldn’t have been happier!  After a few hours of sleep, the rest of the Atteberry family met her and we shared the news with the rest of our family and friends throughout the day.  

My first home birth was a remarkable experience, despite the immense pain and screaming from Max and Micah.  I absolutely loved never having to leave my home.  (The car ride to the hospital/birth center is one of the worst parts of labor in my experiences.)  It felt so natural to be in my own bedroom and bathtub as we brought our daughter into the world.  I can’t speak highly enough of Courtney.  She is an absolutely amazing midwife.  The care I received throughout my entire pregnancy, birth and post-partum was more than I could ask for.  She is extremely caring and knowledgeable.  She allowed and encouraged Kyle and the kids to be involved throughout the entire process, from the kids helping find the baby’s heartbeat at my prenatal appointments to being present at the birth to asking about our family as a whole during all of my postpartum visits.  (And we never had to wear a mask… PRAISE GOD!)  All of my births were seriously great and had little to no complications, but a home birth is truly something special.  I give it a 10/10, would highly recommend... 5 stars!

Of course, I have to thank my amazing and selfless sister, Stephanie, for being an incredible doula and for traveling across the country with her family at Christmas time for me.  She was great via FaceTime for my previous three births, but having her there in real life was something we had wanted so badly. It was like a gift from God that it finally happened.  She was so helpful and I couldn’t imagine Luca’s labor and birth without her being there. Thank you Steph!  You are the best doula/friend/sister I could ask for! 

Obviously, none of this would be possible without the love of my life.  Kyle- thank you for making 4 beautiful babies with me and for making us this beautiful life.  Thank you for your amazing support during my labor and beyond.  Thank you for holding my hand and letting me squeeze it as hard as I possibly could.  I would have been lost without you and could never imagine being in labor or doing life without you right there by my side.  I love you with all of my heart and always will.

And, my sweet Luca Joy, thank you for coming out so quickly and adding even more love and joy to our family! 

December 19th, 2020 forever joins my list of the best days ever.  At 40 weeks and 2 days, after only 4 hours of labor, 2 ½ of which were incredibly intense, and 6 minutes of pushing, my world was changed all over again and I fell completely in love with my Luca Joy Burns.  She is the best Christmas present, ever.

Riley's Birth Story

My third pregnancy was my hardest pregnancy, by far. Physically, everything hurt sooner and more intensely. I was more swollen, had more back pain & was a lot bigger than I had been with Max or Micah. I'm sure some of it was because my last two pregnancies were closer together and I was taking care of a 3 and 1 year old! Either way, by September I was so ready to not be pregnant anymore and still had quite some time to go! I obviously didn't want to have my baby before I reached term and before she was ready, but there were days when I didn't know how I was going to waddle everywhere much longer! The last couple months were definitely a challenge, but they obviously had a lot of wonderful moments too!

Conflicting with my desire to not be pregnant anymore was the fact that my family lives across the country and I needed/wanted my sister and mom here in California to help while I was in labor. With Max, nobody was here in time because he came much earlier than expected. With Micah, my parents were here, but my sister wasn't. So, while I couldn't wait to have my baby, I didn't want to actually go into labor until everyone arrived. It made for a lot of crazy emotions & stress for a 37-39 week pregnant mama. Since no one but God knows when and how you will actually go into labor, I kept watching for signs and talking to my sister about every little thing my body was doing starting around 37 weeks. We were trying to judge whether or not she should come to California early. (Her plan was to come sometime between November 16th-19th.)

To add some more drama to my mix of emotions, at 38 weeks, I found out I tested positive for GBS. (Approximately one third of pregnant women are GBS+.) This caused quite a lot of tears because my water broke first with Max AND Micah. If my water broke again, I would need to be on an IV of antibiotics intermittently throughout my labor. If you know me at all, you know that is more terrifying than pushing a baby out of me and I was extremely upset. I began praying hard that my water would NOT break until I was pushing and I began researching my options, the risks, etc. My midwives had told me that the third baby tends to be a bit of a wild card and the labor does not always progress similarly to the first two. I was now really hoping and praying that would be the case for me. So, now let's get to the birth.

On November 14th, we decided to go to Disneyland to see all the Christmas fun before Baby Mouse arrived. After 7 hours at the Happiest Place on Earth, we were heading back to our car and I was experiencing quite a lot of Braxton Hicks contractions. I joked with Kyle that I was way too tired to have this baby that night, so I was really hoping she wouldn't come on our way home. I let my sister know what was happening, but really felt like everything would stop once I got home, slept and rested. When I woke up in the morning, I had a text from Steph that she and her family were going to try to catch the 5pm flight from Newark to San Diego. I was excited knowing that she was going to be on her way and I wouldn't have to worry about her missing this birth. Or, so I thought...

We spent the day cleaning the apartment in preparation for the Atteberry family to arrive. Winter storm Avery had other plans. None of us thought that snow would be an issue BEFORE Thanksgiving, but my sister, her husband and 5 kids spent 12 hours in their van trying to get to the airport in the snow, only to arrive and find all the flights were cancelled. They spent the night in a hotel and tried the first flight on Friday morning, but it was totally oversold. I still wasn't having any obvious or significant signs of labor, so they went home with plans to try again Saturday. On Friday morning, I went to BodyPump at 8:30 am, for what would be my last pre-baby workout. (Side note: I had given myself the goal of working out until the day I gave birth and am so proud of myself that I reached my goal! Obviously, I didn't know it at that time, but I was hopeful that I wouldn't be back on Monday. My instructor and gym buddies all made comments about potentially not seeing me for a while!) After Pump, I was pretty tired, so we came home, had lunch and I put Micah down and laid down to nap with Max. I was having a few BH contractions, but still didn't think anything real was going on.

At 2:07 pm, I texted my sister that my contractions were "small and not intense but more." My mom, thankfully, had decided to come straight from her trip and was on a flight to San Diego, landing around 8 pm. Steph texted, "Don't have that baby yet!" and I replied, "I'll do what I can." As we all know, I had no control and couldn't do anything to stop this baby from coming when she wanted, ha!

At 3:08 pm, I texted my sister that I was being very observant, but there was the tiniest bit of blood after I used the restroom. At that point, she called me so we could talk about what was happening. I still wasn't convinced this was definitely happening, but we were getting a little sad at the possibility that she would miss this birth as well. With Micah, I had two days between this sign and labor actually starting, but again- nobody knows what's going to happen. Kyle and I decided to get everything ready in case things really began. We finished packing up our birth bag, packed up the car (with almost everything we needed.. More on that later), showered, etc. I continued to have contractions throughout this time and a few of them seemed harder and I was starting to wonder if this was it.

At 3:56, I texted my friend Jen, "My mom lands at 8:45. I'm having contractions. Super short, but just wanted to let you know. I shouldn't need you but you've got about 5 hours on alert." She told me to let her know what I needed and I replied, "Thanks. It could very well stop but these contractions are definitely more significant than they've been. We'll call if we need back up!" Obviously, I had NO idea how quickly things would progress. At this point I really believed we would be fine waiting until my mom arrived.

Around 4:30 pm, I started timing the contractions and got in the bath, so I could try to relax and figure out if this was the real deal. The contractions were short, but more frequent than I would expect so soon! They ranged from 30-50 seconds and were coming an average of 2 to 4 minutes apart. Around 5:00 I noticed more proof that things were happening and my sister called me. We both cried because we realized this was definitely happening and she was definitely going to miss it again. We decided to put her on FaceTime on my computer, so she could be our virtual doula once again. I labored on my side in bed with Kyle coaching and Steph assisting. Kyle was so encouraging and supportive and Steph was so helpful in reminding us to drink water, use the restroom and try various positions. I mostly just wanted my hand held again, and honestly couldn't believe it was all happening so quickly. At some point, I used the restroom and had a few contractions on the toilet. Max came in and asked, "Mommy, are you going to poop the baby out?!" Ah, from the mouths of babes. He is hilarious.

At 5:40, I called Jen to let her know what was happening. Things were progressing so quickly and intensely that we now weren't even sure my mom would make it in time! We asked her if she could pick up dinner that we ordered for the kids and come over and help us with them. I have no idea what we would have done without her because I really needed Kyle's help and attention. He was sort of in and out of the room, tending to me and the kids. I would shout to him when I needed him and he'd rush back to my side. The kids were in and out a bit too and I honestly loved having them nearby.

At 6:00, I used the restroom again and changed positions. I sat on the exercise ball, leaning over the bed. It was harder to be in this position and I said, "It hurts, it hurts, I can't!" and got back into the side lying position on the bed by 6:30. I started shaking and my breath was shaky as well. I don't remember this happening with Max or Micah. Kyle asked if I was cold and I said, "I don't think so!"

At 6:40, Kyle called the birth center to let them know we would be in tonight. Joanna, the midwife, asked a few questions about how I was doing and asked if I was still feeling the baby kick. I honestly hadn't paid any attention to her movements, sorry girl, so I was slightly worried and made sure to pay attention moving forward. Jen arrived at 6:45 and helped feed the kids dinner. At 6:48, I felt a definite kick from Baby Mouse and was so glad! I also got the hiccups. I got up to change positions and use the restroom again and had a very painful contraction on the toilet. Different positions really changed the intensity of my contractions.

At 7:11, I was back in bed and asked Steph if she could text the family to pray for me and read me some of their prayers. I know some people don't want anyone to know they're in labor so they aren't bothered, but my labor was so intense, I wanted and needed the extra love and encouragement. Maybe it's because they're all across the country, but it really helped. Steph read me some prayers from my siblings and parents through FaceTime while Kyle held my hand and loved me and supported me. Thank you Jesus for technology!

Around 7:30, I tried switching to the exercise ball again. The contractions were so intense and I remember getting one while I was moving. I literally felt like I couldn't hold my own body up, so I called out to Kyle for help. He sort of just held me under my armpits, but my arms were awkwardly in the air and I just said, "No no no no no" because I hated it. Afterwards, I apologized to Kyle because I couldn't properly express myself and he was trying so hard and being so amazing, but that specific position simply felt terrible! There were a few other times that I had to tell Kyle to stop something he was doing. One time he put too much pressure on the bed next to me and it made me move and it hurt. A couple other times he touched my belly and I HATED it. It's so funny and interesting to me how certain things feel good and others feel terrible. Kyle has been lucky during my three labors because I don't want that much massaging or intense rubbing. I basically just want him to hold my hand. Any contraction I had without him holding my hand was harder.

We knew we were getting close to leaving for the birth center, so Steph suggested I hop in the shower one more time to make sure I was ready. I remember thinking that maybe Steph wasn't sure if we should be leaving yet, but I felt ready to go. I think I said something about how I knew I wasn't totally out of it (as if I was in transition), but I didn't want to wait too long and have the car ride be torture. Later we talked about that and Steph said as a doula she has a checklist of things to do, ie- shower, use the restroom & change positions to make sure nothing slows down, but she believed it was time for us to go too! She said she could tell by the way my sounds had changed during contractions and she knew I was far along. I got in the shower quickly and demanded that Kyle join me. I could not fathom being alone. We were probably in there for 5 minutes or so and between that and sitting on the toilet, I had three more contractions. I sat back on the birth ball and prayed "Dear Jesus, help me!" while Jen took the kids to the car.

At 7:49, Kyle and I left for the birth center. We had to walk down our hallway to the elevator, where I had to stop and breathe through another contraction. On the elevator, I was hugging Kyle and heard it stop and people get on behind me. I asked him how many people just got on and said hello. Kyle told them that we were going to have a baby and someone said, "Like right now?!" They couldn't believe it and congratulated us. We almost never see other people on the elevator, so I thought it was so funny that some random neighbors joined us while I was in labor. Then, we walked to our van, where Jen and the kids were waiting. We drove Jen to her parked car, so she could follow us to the birth center, and I told her she might need to hold my hand! The car ride was AWFUL. I tried my best to relax, but it was incredibly hard because of my position. When we drove up the ramp from the basement, I hated the feeling. We also had to drive over a few speed bumps and it was literally torture. I kept shouting for Kyle to stop, but obviously he had to keep going or we would never get to the birth center! I definitely didn't keep my cool throughout the ride, but can you blame me?!

I'm so thankful the birth center is only 15-20 minutes away because I hated every second of that car ride. When we walked in the birth center it was a different midwife from the one we spoke to on the phone earlier. It was Shari, who had delivered Micah, and I was so excited. I told her that I wasn't expecting to see her! I had no idea they switched at 8pm, so we were right on time. Nancy, who was also with us when Micah was born, came shortly after as the birth assistant. I was so glad it was the same women, not that I have anything against the other midwives. I simply felt like these ladies knew me better since we already experienced one birth together! There was also a student midwife, Jessica, who did all my exams and helped catch. When I first got there, Shari had me pee in a cup to check my hydration levels. She told me I needed to eat and drink more. Then she asked me which room I wanted and I said, "the best one you've got" and we went in and got settled. I laid down on the bed to be checked. I had to make Jessica wait because I was having a hard contraction. I remember trying to prepare myself to hear that I wasn't as far along as I would want to be, but hoping for the best. With Max, I showed up at 8cm dilated and had him within 4 hours. With Micah, I showed up at 5 cm dilated and had her within 2 1/2 hours. Being checked is one of the worst feelings, so I tried my best to breathe and relax through it... yeah, right. HA! I heard the midwives say I was complete and I was so relieved and excited. This labor was so intense, but thankfully, it was progressing quickly.

At 8:43, the tub was ready and I got in. When I was in labor with Micah, I had a very significant and overwhelming urge to push. With Riley, I knew I was fully dilated, but didn't totally feel like I needed to push. Around 9pm, I said that maybe I felt ready and sometimes I would push through a contraction and sometimes I would just try my best to relax and breathe through it. Throughout this time, Max and Micah had been in and out of the room and Max came in and shouted, "I love you Mommy!" It was so awesome to hear. I had been trying to prep them both for labor over the past few weeks, explaining that I might talk about how much it hurts, or even cry, or shout. I told them to tell me I was doing a good job and tell me that they loved me, so Max was doing his job wonderfully! At some point I noticed my friend Jen was standing in the hall and the kids were in the room, I said something about how she was welcome to come in, meaning I wasn't worried about her seeing anything and Kyle said, "Don't worry Jen, you can stay right there!" because he was worried that SHE didn't want to see anything, haha. At that point, I had no modesty and didn't care at all.

We started recording on the camera, so I was able to watch the labor back. I was relatively calm, telling Kyle when another contraction was coming. He kept encouraging me and telling me I was doing a great job. During one contraction, Micah was asking to kiss me and I had no idea because I had my eyes closed and was focused on the task at hand. She asked for an apple sauce after a bit and Jen asked Kyle and I to which I replied, "I don't care!" ha, Micah could eat whatever she wanted at that point. The kids left the room to play for a bit and Shari checked the baby's heartbeat and said she sounded great. I mentioned how badly it hurt (Captain Obvious) and my sister asked if it was rectal or pelvic pain. I said rectal and Shari told me not to hold in any farts because we could just blame Kyle. HAHA! Labor & childbirth is truly a beautiful and magical thing.

Nancy asked me if I wanted to put my feet up on the handles in the bath so I could have more support, so I switched sides in the tub.  Everyone was rearranging and moving the laptop with virtual doula, Stephanie, so when a contraction came, I worriedly called out for someone.  I truly felt lost if somebody wasn’t holding my hand during a contraction. I kept saying “it hurts” and my midwives encouraged me to try pushing with a contraction because sometimes that feels better and I said, “it feels like she’s so far away.”  So, they told me to reach down and see if I could feel her. I tried and just shrugged because I had no idea what I was feeling. HA. After a few contractions, I asked if I should move to make things go faster. I was ready to be done with this! During another contraction, Jessica got a flashlight to see what was happening down there and I asked if you could see a baby or anything.  Nancy calmly said she could see I was opening a little which meant she was on her way, but no baby sighting yet.

After a few minutes, Shari suggested I try a few contractions on my side and Max and Micah came to check in and ask if the baby was here yet. They made me smile whenever they were near me and Max said, “I’m so glad there’s a baby coming!” The contraction was super hard on my side, so I asked Shari if it would help and she explained that sometimes they space them out and make them harder and allow the baby to turn properly.  It was really helpful to me to hear why I was trying this new position. When another contraction came, I instinctively grabbed my leg and pushed, and also shouted quite loudly, “No! This is hard!” Again, Captain Obvious. I sat up in a squat position and cried a little, asking Kyle if I was doing okay. I leaned over the side of the tub into Kyle’s arms. I complained of back pain and Steph reassured me that was the baby. Nancy came around to put pressure on my back and Max popped in and said, “You’re doing a great job!” I really did have such an amazing team of support.  

Watching the video back, it really sticks out to me how oblivious I was to everyone around me at times. They were all joking about certain things and conversing and I was not partaking in any of those conversations. It didn’t bother me at all; it was as though I had no idea it was happening while I was in my own little bubble. I had a decent break between contractions and leaned back into a more traditional position, and they listened to the baby’s heartbeat again and I fixed my hair which I vaguely remember was driving me nuts because it was falling out of the bun. (I need a haircut.)  I asked again if I was doing okay and Kyle grabbed my hands and encouraged me. Shari told me “You look beautiful and that’s what’s important.” haha I told her it was my “mom bun” and gave a small-half-out-of-it smile. Another contraction came and I definitely let a curse word slip out of my lips. It wasn’t THE worst one, but the second worse one… Sorry Kaila! (She had joined Stephanie at some point on FaceTime to see her cousin be born!) I quickly moved up into a squat and the midwives put a mirror under the tub to see if anything was happening. I stated that it burned a little.

At 9:25, Steph informed me that my Mom had arrived. I don't remember if I heard her at the time because I was definitely making a bit more noise than before. Shari asked me to feel for her head and I kept saying I couldn't tell. I was getting sad because I just wanted her out and I wasn't sure if I was doing a great job. Through all my sadness and confusion, Kyle kept encouraging me and loving me so well. I started talking to my girl, asking her to come out because I was so tired. At this point, I was realllly feeling it and kept saying, "Help me, help me." I'm not sure what exactly I wanted everyone to do because I know they can't experience any of my pain for me, but a girl can dream. At this point, it felt significantly harder than my labor with Micah. Steph suggested I try going on my hands and knees, but I just felt like everything sucked and I didn't know which position was right. Between pushing with contractions, I let out a few loud screams. Shari told me there was a little bit of blood, which worried me a bit. She said Jessica needed to check to see if the cervix was completely out of the way. This isn’t exactly the greatest thing to hear when you were told an hour ago that you were fully dilated. After another painful contraction, I worriedly asked if everything was okay and was reassured. Micah also came and gave me a kiss, which I loved.

At 9:32, Jessica checked me again. Stephanie told me that she felt it took her forever and she felt so badly for me. I was asking her to tell me what was going on and after a bit, she told me that I did have a little bit of cervix. Now it was time for the REAL swear word. I immediately apologized and my Dad, who my mom had on speaker/FaceTime asked if he just heard some bad language. Everyone started laughing, but a big contraction was coming on and I shushed everyone very loudly because I needed them to be quiet. I kept asking Jessica to tell me what was happening, and she was wonderful, but it sort of seemed like she wasn't totally sure what to tell me. She said I had a bit of anterior cervix still in the way. Shari told me to try to relax for a bit through contractions to get that last bit out of the way. Steph suggested I get into a more upright position which could help. Looking back, it makes sense because I didn't have the overwhelming urge to push like I had with Micah. I tried getting on my hands and knees, as my sister suggested, to try to get that last bit of cervix out of my way! I was in a lot of pain and felt very confused. I kept asking for help because I wasn't sure what to do. When we watched the video, I felt bad for myself because with Micah, I was much more calm and quiet while pushing. It also didn't help that this babe was two pounds bigger than Max and Micah. I'll just say that it made sense once they weighed her! Holy moly.

We turned the camera off for a few minutes, so I'm not totally sure about the exact timeline from this point on, but during one contraction I stated, "She's coming." I was back on the side of the tub where my feet didn't have a spot, and I lost a bit of control and felt like I was falling. Everyone was calm and reassuring even when I was not. It's like they're professionals or something. After the contraction, I think I said something about her going away and Nancy reassured me, "She's going to come back." Even though my labor wasn't that long, it had been so intense & I had no real sense of time, so I felt like it was going to last forever. They suggested I move to the other side of the tub again to be able to put my feet up, which was a good idea, but let me tell you, when an almost 10 pound baby is making her way out down there, moving even the smallest bit is the worst.

This stage of my labor was really different than my experience with Micah, so it’s hard to say exactly how long I “pushed for.”  I kept changing positions because I couldn’t quite find the right one. My sister and I watched the video back and realized that a big part of my struggle was probably that my feet weren’t fully supported.  With Max, Kyle & a nurse each held one of my legs. With Micah, Kyle was in the tub in front of me holding one leg, while the midwife held another. There were handles in the tub that I could put my feet on, but at various times they slipped off or I wasn’t able to have them there and it definitely made it harder.  Her head was starting to crown at this point and they told me they were gonna have her “sit” right there for a bit to let everything stretch. I’ll just say this was NOT my favorite part. Imagine pausing at the absolute hardest part with the most intense pain. I asked for my babies, and was assured that Max and Micah were nearby. I have spoken to some women who didn’t want to have their other kids around while in labor, but I loved having them nearby. They never bothered me once and I was never worried about them. It felt natural to have them be a part of this and experience this as a family.  If anything, I wish they would have been near me more often because they always made it better.

Pushing any size baby out of your hoo-ha is serious business, but this “little” lady was, without a doubt, the most painful.  Max took the longest to come out, but Riley was way more intense. I asked, “how much longer?!” and cried out, “Lord give me strength!” while holding my hand down there to feel her head.  Steph called out that she could see her head! I was having a hard time being patient and waiting for contractions to push. Kyle and Shari asked if I was having one and I said, “No, I just want her out!”  They told me to relax and my response was, “GUYS.” (AS IN- I CAN’T EVEN. haha) This is where I could see that I needed more pressure against my legs to push. Nancy did put her hand on one knee to help, but looking back, I wish I would have realized what I needed to ask for it.  Hindsight is 20/20. After about 4 minutes from when I said, “She’s coming” her head was out. Jessica checked for her cord to see if everything was good and I gave Kyle a look like, “Do you see what I’m doing here?!” He was so reassuring and amazing. I felt a small sense of relief, but not much yet, there was still work to be done.  Stephanie told me later that she had a slight moment of worry during this time because Jessica gave Shari a look and asked how long the head had been out. “45 seconds” Nancy said. I spoke to Riley again, “Come on out baby girl!” They want the body out within 4 minutes, so we were fine and thankfully I was oblivious to any concern at this time.  With my next contraction, I pushed, screamed, & pushed again and about a minute and fifteen seconds after her head was out, she was born. I grabbed my daughter and my face literally lit up. I was so relieved, overjoyed, thankful and amazed that she was finally here. Micah called out, “Baby!” There was conflicting times on the clocks, but we just went with what the midwives wrote on our official papers saying 9:44pm.  She didn’t cry immediately, so I kept asking if she was okay and was reassured that she was fine. About a minute after she was born, she let out the most miraculous and loud cry. Everyone commented on her amazing lungs. Her APGAR at 1 minute was an 8 and at 5 minutes was a 9, only losing points for color. I also asked to confirm that she was a girl, and Shari lifted her leg to check. I asked for a kiss from Kyle and Max and Micah both gave me one too and I asked my mom to take some pictures to try to capture the moment.  They’re the darkest, blurriest photos ever, but at least we have them and I’ll always treasure them. Kyle, Max & Micah just sat next to the tub for a few minutes watching our new girl. Micah asked for a “mees” aka- kiss and it was the first of many. Max was asking when he could cut the cord and told everyone to “look at her tiny feet!” Again, I’m SO thankful they were there with me and a part of this experience. After 6 or 7 minutes, I tried to see if she wanted to nurse as we were waiting for my placenta to come. She didn’t latch yet, but the cord had stopped pulsing, so we were ready to cut it.  They clamped it and Kyle and Max cut it together. Max and Micah were itching to jump into the water and get closer to the baby, but it was a bit dirty. I found out later that Riley had pooped when she was born, so we’ll just say the water was a little gross. HA.

About ten minutes after she was born, we gave the baby to Kyle for some skin to skin, so I could birth the placenta.  Kyle laid on the bed with his new daughter and Max and Micah by his side. Max was asking what was all over the baby referring to the vernix and kept commenting on how tiny she was.  Micah was having all sorts of emotions and alternated between kissing the baby and crying for some various reasons. I only know all this happened because I asked my mom to follow Kyle with the video camera and watched it back later.  During this time, I birthed the placenta in the tub and then carefully & slowly transferred to the bed next to Kyle. I was checked and found that I had a very small tear, but didn’t require stitches. Thank you Jesus. I was bleeding more than they wanted, so I had to get a shot of pitocin.  I was a bit freaked out by this, but had the same experience with Micah, so it wasn’t a shock. Later, Nancy told me that I was still bleeding more than they wanted and their typical course of action is a shot of methergine. She knew I didn’t want any drugs at all, so hearing that I was going to need something stronger was not ideal.  She told me about a natural option that some of her fellow home birth midwives used, but that she had never done. If you’re squeamish, skip ahead to the next paragraph. If you’re curious & not weirded out by strange things, read on… She said I could take a small piece of the umbilical cord and put it in the side of my mouth on my gums.  Now, I obviously have had three natural births and try to steer clear of any unnecessary interventions, but even I thought this was strange. I’m not full granola, but I was more than willing to try it to avoid another shot and another drug in my body. Kyle was VERY freaked out and thought I was insane. It really wasn’t that weird to be honest.  It had no taste and just felt like I had a piece of gauze in my mouth at the dentist. The coolest part was it worked! Nancy was happy with my bleeding as she kept checking me and I didn’t need another shot!

Back to the not so weird stuff now. Riley latched around 10:15 and nursed off and on for the next hour or two. Micah was very interested in what was happening and asked to nurse, but was easily distracted by pudding. The birth center gives moms the golden two hours to bond, nurse and have skin to skin before taking the baby for measurements, etc. We still didn't actually have her name decided. A few months ago, I pretty much got stuck on Riley, but mentioned a few other names, including Ryan. (I have always liked boy names for girls.) Max became fixated on Ryan and kept saying no to Riley. He is quite a stubborn 3 year old. We finally decided to name her Riley Ryan Burns. I think it's sweet and funny that Max was so persistent, so I felt like Ryan needed to be a part of her name. We also enjoyed our celebratory orange juice! This is a Bradley Method of Childbirth thing and we've enjoyed our orange juice after each of our babies were born!

After she had nursed for a while, we tried to take family photos. (After Micah was born, we were sitting on the bed peacefully in the morning light and captured some beautiful moments. See the difference below.) Let's just say this time wasn't so peaceful. The kids were doing great, but at this point they started showing proof that they were up WAY past their bedtimes. The photos are awful, but show real life. Then, it was Max's turn to hold Riley. He kept kissing her and didn't want to give her back. Micah took her turn and kept touching and kissing her. She definitely kept us on our toes, as we had to make sure she was gentle with Riley!

A little after midnight, it was time to measure her. I found out just why she felt so much harder to push out. She was a whopping 9 lbs. 7.5 oz! I could believe it because of the pain, but was shocked that she was 2 pounds bigger than Max! (He was 7 lbs. 7 oz, Micah was 7 lbs. 9.5 oz!) She was 21 inches long.

Kyle put on Riley’s first diaper and we set up a movie for Max in the hopes that he would settle down and fall asleep.  Then, he passed out on the chair. Micah fell asleep in YiaYia’s arms. At our birth center, as long as everything is good, we can leave between 4-6 hours after the birth.  That night, there were two other moms in labor, so they were going to let me leave even earlier so they could get the room ready for the next birth. We had to finalize some paperwork and I had to make sure I could pee.  Kyle worked on the forms and I successfully used the restroom! Kyle and my mom started packing up our belongings and taking everything to the car around 12:45 am. Kyle came back into the room and said, “The car is all packed up, but I have some bad news.”  I had no idea what he could be talking about. He continued, “The baby’s car seat is not in the car.” I laughed. Because the Atteberry family was supposed to come on Thursday, we got the car ready for the 7 of them which meant we had to move the baby’s car seat out to make room.  When Kyle was packing up the car before we went to the birth center, neither of us remembered that we had taken the car seat out. It had been in there for the past couple weeks, so it just slipped our minds. We decided that Kyle would pack up the sleeping kids and take them and my mom home and come back to get me with Riley’s car seat.  I was feeling pretty good, so I felt comfortable with Kyle leaving and we really didn’t have much of a choice. Again, I’m grateful that we don’t live far from the birth center! The midwives helped me move to the spare room so the next mom would be able to come into mine. (Only 2 out of the 3 rooms have permanent tubs, so I was moved into the room with a shower.) I just sat and held Riley, staring at her and just feeling so content, in love and a bit tired.  

When Kyle got back, we packed up our girl and headed home. All I wanted was a milkshake and In-N-Out. We had ordered tacos earlier because In-N-Out sadly didn't deliver and I needed some protein. It was around 1:30/2:00 am, so In-N-Out was closed, and we decided to try McDonald's for a milkshake. I was extremely disappointed when we pulled into the drive-thru and found out the shake machine was turned off for the day! Didn't they know I had just given birth and NEEDED a milkshake!? We got chicken nuggets, fries and headed home. After finishing our food, we both took turns holding Riley while the other showered. Let me tell you something, that post birth shower is one of the most amazing feelings in the entire world. It was around 4am when I texted my family a picture of Riley, thanked them for their prayers and went to bed... at least for an hour or so!

Thank you God for another healthy pregnancy, birth & child. Thank you for answering our prayers that my water wouldn't break until pushing! Thank you to my husband who gave me so much strength, encouragement & love throughout one of the hardest experiences of my life. (He was amazing during the other two as well!) Thank you Max and Micah for kissing me, loving me and welcoming your new sister with me. Thank you Jen for coming in as my back-up when we needed you! Thank you Stephanie for being the best sister & virtual doula I could ask for. I'm so sorry you missed the birth again, but I still felt strongly that you were a part of our birth experience! Thank you Mom for hopping on a flight right after you landed from Japan to witness your 14th grandchild's entrance into the world. Thank you to the amazing midwives at Best Start for supporting me and helping me have another natural birth. I am so grateful for my experience and, honestly, so proud of myself for what I accomplished and that I was able to give my three babies the best start they could have in this world.

At 39 weeks & 4 days, after approximately 7 1/2 hours of labor, 5 of which were quite intense, an hour or so of kind of pushing and about 6 minutes of the real deal pushing, I fell completely head over heels in love with my newest daughter, Riley Ryan Burns.

Micah's First Food

I'm always so excited when my babies hit a new milestone and learn new things, but I have mixed feelings about introducing solid foods!  After the initial learning curve that is breastfeeding, it becomes so easy and convenient (and free), so that adding real food to the mix doesn't excite me at first.  I obviously know it's good for Micah and I WANT her to eat food, but now I have to MAKE food, clean up more messes, and change those stinky diapers.  (Goodbye breastfed baby poop, I'll miss you!)  Okay, I'm done complaining now.  After about a week or so, it really was fun to watch Max try new foods and the faces he made in the beginning were pretty funny.  I'm looking forward to all the same things with Micah, and it might be even more fun because Max is even more excited about the whole thing.  I also plan on having Max help make her food, which really isn't that hard either.  And, before I know it, she will be eating all the regular food that we eat too!  So, I'll do my best to enjoy all the messes and extra work along the way.  Oh and don't worry, you know I'll be documenting it all!

So enough rambling, Micah turned 6 months old today, so yesterday we introduced her first food- avocado (mixed with my milk!)  She did not disappoint us with her funny faces and looks of disgust.  I think she still trusts me, although there were moments she wasn't so sure of what was happening.  Enjoy and be sure to watch the little video at the end!  She makes some adorable faces, screeches a lot and Max accidentally eats some breastmilk guacamole.  Do you think he liked it?  Wait and see!

Oh & this first picture is just too cute...

Oh, the faces...

This first picture might be my favorite of the whole experience!

Max was THRILLED that Micah was eating and couldn't wait to help!

After Max helped feed Micah, he decided to climb all over her high chair and play hide and seek.  Micah was more interested in her spoon though.

Here's a little video I put together of her big day.  It's so fun to see how excited Max gets for her!  Enjoy!

Potty-Training Max

I share a lot of things online, but I purposefully chose to not share that we were potty-training Max for a while.  One of the reasons I did this is because I didn't want a ton of pressure.  Once your kid turns 2, people start asking if they're potty-trained and when the answer is "no," you can sometimes be the recipient of those looks.  You know what I'm talking about.  There seems to be a huge pressure to potty train as soon as your kiddo blows out the candles on their second birthday cake, but I am a firm believer that you need to wait until you and your child are ready.  All children and parents are ready at different times.  (I really do not think you need to stress about sending your child to middle school wearing a diaper!  They'll figure it out eventually.)  I also wasn't that bothered by diapers and didn't feel a personal pressure to get him out of them.  

People also love to give potty-training advice whether you ask for it or not.  (Here's looking at you Target Cashier!)  Now, don't get me wrong, some advice is necessary and good, but I think too much advice can be a bad thing and can be super overwhelming. There are people I go to when I need parenting advice and there are some great Mom groups and Facebook forums that ask for and offer great support.  I asked a few friends some potty-training questions here and there and have talked to my siblings and parents about it in the past.  A while ago, I googled and found all sorts of articles and things online like "How-To Potty Train Your Kid in 3 Days" or "The Foolproof Guide to Potty Training" and the list goes on and on.  There are times, though, when I think the best advice to take is your own.  Your own mother/father instincts are what's best for your child and different tips and techniques do not work the same way for every kid.  I didn't want to put pressure on myself, Kyle, or Max that we were going to accomplish potty training in one weekend! (If you did that-- that's awesome!)  I just wanted to figure it out together and on our own time.

Now you might be asking yourself, "Sam, why are you sharing your potty-training story if you didn't want to hear anyone's advice or tips?"  It might seem silly, but I just thought I would share our experience, but I'm promising nothing.  (Sorry... are you still reading?) I know I didn't re-invent the wheel or anything cool like that.  I don't think we did anything groundbreaking or revolutionary while potty-training Max, but I definitely wanted a place to write it down for a few reasons.  One- I will want to remember what we did for Max when it's Micah's turn.  Two- One day when Max has kids, if he asks how we did anything like this for him, I would definitely have forgotten the details.  And Three- I never want to forget the ridiculous things he said while potty-training like, "Wow! So many poops Mommy!" 

So, if you want to hear a little about our potty-training experience, read on.  Maybe you've had a similar experience or maybe you're dreading the day you have to potty-train your kid, like I kind of was, and just want a slight heads up on what's coming. (What's coming is poop on the floor, and a naked toddler running around.  Don't say I didn't warn ya.)  Here we go!

When Max was around 15 months old, he pooped in the potty for the first time.  I was super excited and thought, "Wow, I have a child pooping prodigy on my hands!"  I didn't.  He was interested in the potty for a little while, probably because of the promise of M&Ms.  After a little while, he was over it and wanted nothing to do with the potty.  We would ask him if he wanted to sit on the toilet, especially if we could tell he was doing his business, but he would say, "no" and that was fine.  I contemplated trying to have him potty trained before Micah was born, but ultimately decided that it wasn't worth the struggle.  To be honest, I think it was easier having two in diapers at first versus having a newborn and a newly potty trained toddler.  I didn't have to worry about getting him to the bathroom before nursing and you're definitely quite tired with a newborn, so why add another stress?  Kyle and I didn't mind having them both in diapers, and that's what mattered most.  I also wanted to make sure we weren't traveling for a while before we started!

Max turned two at the end of April.  In July, we started talking to him a little more seriously about potty training.  We are fortunate because Max communicates extremely well and we're able to hold relatively normal conversations with him.  We would ask him if he wanted to go to the potty or stop wearing diapers and wear big kid underwear.  He said "not yet" and "soon," and again- we just tried not to put too much pressure on the situation.  We "officially" started potty training him in August.  (Making him about 28 months old.)  It sort of started by accident because I had ordered some Cars underwear from Target and when Kyle opened the package, Max saw them.  He was pumped and wanted to put them on immediately.  In fact he wanted to "wear all of them" at the same time.  So, the journey began... 

Getting Prepared

I quickly got the rest of our supplies ready in the next day or two, so we could go all in & ditch the diapers (during wake times anyways.)  We made sure to be fully stocked up on groceries, so we didn't have to run any errands during the first few days/week.  We also stocked up on stickers from the Target dollar bins, I made our first potty chart (More on that in a bit), and stocked the bathroom with baby wipes & clorox wipes, lots & lots of clorox wipes.  He had his stool set up, so he could climb up to the toilet which has this seat on it.  I chose to skip the little potty on the floor route as a personal preference because I just wanted Max to use the toilet right away.  I didn't want to transition him to the regular toilet later.  I've heard a variety of pros and cons to both, but chose what I wanted for us!  ("You do you!" as Kyle always says.)  Max is also obsessed with his step stools, so I knew he would like climbing up on his to get to the toilet.  If you've followed our instagram stories, I'm sure you've seen Max jumping off his various stools.  We also have a big exercise ball in the bathroom to sit on while we give the kids baths and it was awesome having it there while accompanying Max to the restroom.  We sat there a lot, so I enjoyed not crouching or sitting on the bathroom floor!  I also covered a portion of the couch with trash bags & beach towels that became Max's designated spots.  Thankfully, most of his accidents were on the floor or highchair, but he did have one on the protected couch! 

Max's Aunt Brooke made these amazing "Great Job Pooping" banners and I'm pretty sure every toddler's bathroom should have them.  He really did do a great job pooping!

Our Reward System

Max is obsessed with Disney's Cars, so it didn't take long for us to figure out that he responded well to earning "cars with eyes" as he calls them.   When Micah is ready to potty train, I might try to find a cheaper prize, but seeing Max light up as he earned his cars was worth every penny!  When we were transitioning Max to his "big boy bed" we used a star chart where he needed 10 stickers and I could tell it was really hard for him to work for a prize that far away.  It was just too much for his two-year-old brain, so I decided to make a tier system for his potty training rewards.  I also put pictures of his rewards on the chart, so he could see that with each sticker he was getting closer to a car.  I started the potty training chart with only 5 stickers equaling a prize.  He got one sticker for peeing and two stickers for pooping.  His next chart needed 10 stickers, then 15 stickers, then a "Potty Party" when he went a week without an accident.  This is probably the best piece of advice that I would give from our experience.  I definitely think it helped him because he was able to earn rewards relatively quickly at the beginning and he didn't get frustrated or give up because the reward was too far away.  With anything in life, there's a learning curve, so it made sense to make his goal bigger as he got better!  During the first few days, he averaged 2-3 accidents a day, so it took him a little longer to get all of his stickers.  When we moved to 10 stickers, he would sometimes get a little upset and want his car immediately, but we kept encouraging him that he was getting closer and closer and he liked seeing the picture of the car he was working towards.  After he had his first no-accident day, I told him that once he went a whole week without an accident we would have a "Potty Party!"  I totally made it up on the spot, but figured I would make something up when the time came.  More on that later... 

Our Method

We didn't really have a specific method, to be honest.  We didn't give Max an excessive amount of juice or water or have him sit on the potty for hours.  I would ask him often if he had to pee and watch for signs.  We didn't use Pull-Ups or special training pants.  He wore regular underwear or was naked, a lot.  I wasn't looking forward to potty-training, but it really wasn't that bad.  All in all, I'd say it took about 2 weeks and by the 3rd week, he was going accident free constantly.  I think the most important thing was waiting until Max was ready.  If we would have tried sooner, I think it would have been disastrous.  Waiting until he was excited about underwear and able to fully communicate definitely helped the cause! 

Accidents

Like I said above, he had about 2-3 accidents a day when we first started.  Whenever he would start peeing, I would take him to the potty as quickly as possible whether or not he was finished because I wanted him to know that he needed to go to the bathroom.  One piece of advice I heard from someone somewhere (sorry I can't credit you!) was not to say "It's okay."  I didn't want to make Max feel bad, but I wanted to communicate that peeing on the floor was something we wanted to avoid.  I would say things like "Aw, I wish you would have peed on the potty so you could get a sticker" or  "next time tell me you need to go, so we can get to the bathroom in time!"  One of the funniest accidents Max had happened while I was working out.  He was watching a movie on my laptop while standing by the couch.  I looked over at him and saw a little "present" on the floor.  "Max, what happened buddy?!"  He looked down at the poop, then looked at me with the sweetest little expression and said, "Mommy, I pooped."  (Captain Obvious.)  I couldn't even be mad.  (Thank God for hardwood floors!)  Because of accidents, we did not play in his room for the first week at all.  I wanted him on hardwood constantly so I didn't have to clean the carpet.  We planned a lot of activities in the family room.  We did crafts, colored, did puzzles, and watched too many movies!  I would let him in his room for brief periods of time as he had less accidents!

Being Naked... A Lot

When my older sister was potty-training my nephew, we would Face-Time them and he would be naked.  I always thought it was hilarious, but it really is practical.  First of all, it saves on laundry because you aren't constantly washing clothing and underwear.  Secondly, it makes getting to the bathroom quickly much easier.  At the beginning, speed is of the essence.  

Not to be weird, but Max loves hanging out in his birthday suit.  We have to explain to him that when people are coming over or we're going out it's mandatory to wear underwear and pants! It's hilarious & sometimes frustrating to be wheeling and dealing with a two year old about getting dressed.  Anyways, one day I could only get him to put on underwear by putting a pair of his underwear on Micah.  He thought it was hilarious and immediately wanted to match her.  These photos are ridiculous and amazing and will forever be some of my favorites.  Will they love them when they grow up?  Time will tell...

Going Out in the Real World

I think one of the things that helped us potty train Max was staying home for a while at first.  We did have a dentist appointment scheduled, so we stuck a diaper on him for that, but besides that we stuck to underwear.  The first outing we took was probably day 4 or 5.  I told him he couldn't pee in his carseat or at the store and I think I asked him if he had to go at least 50 times.  It was a short trip and we were back home within a half hour and were accident free.  Woo!  With anything, it just took a little time and we slowly eased into normal life and normal outings again.  One of the reasons I was dreading potty training was because diapers are so convenient and easy.  It takes a bit of a mental shift to remember the potty everywhere you go and public restrooms are the worst.  It really isn't that bad though and once everyone is ready, it really doesn't take that long!  I was super impressed with how quickly Max figured everything out and am so proud of him.  I won't lie, it's also a little sad though because he's so grown up now!  Speaking of being grown up... 

"I'll do it all by myself, Mommy!"

One thing that happened way sooner than I anticipated was Max going to the bathroom all by himself.  I figured it would be a long time before he was ready for this, but one day I was nursing Micah and he had to go, so off he went.  It was amazing and I couldn't believe how big he was!  He couldn't reach the bathroom sink and soap alone, so we had to buy him a new stool.  We headed to IKEA and got him a super high stool and then his very own foam soap.  He was ecstatic!  It is "his soap" and "his stool" and he loves them both, very much.

He doesn't always go by himself, but when he does it's amazing.  I can't help but be so impressed with him.  The other night, I was nursing Micah before bed and Kyle was busy doing something.  He wasn't sure where Max was and called out for him.  Max responded, "I'm in here daddy!"  He had taken off his pajama pants and bedtime diaper and was sitting on the toilet all by himself like it was no big deal.  It was hilarious.

The Potty Party

Like I said earlier, after Max had his first accident-free day, I was so proud of him and promised a potty party when he went a whole week!  His last accident was about 3 weeks after we started!  I don't expect him to never have an accident again, but I can pretty much assume that we're going to be okay.  (I still have a backup outfit packed for now though!)  We kept talking about the potty party and he was so excited.  He had finished his last chart, so I still wanted something for him to look forward to and it worked.  After his week, we got him balloons with his two favorite things: Lightning McQueen & Stars & Bars!  (Thanks Dollar Tree!) We also got special ice cream and cones and invited his friends to the pool to join him.  There was a little confusion about why we were having a "Potty Party" and his friends kept saying we were having a party because Max pooped in the potty!  It was spectacular.  His two closest friends at our apartment are older than him and were so proud of Max!  

He also recently got his haircut & looks even older.  I'm a blubbering mess.  LOOK AT HIM!

Naps & Bedtime

I kept Max in diapers for naps and bedtime for a while because it didn't seem worth it to worry about washing sheets yet.  He kept waking up dry, so we just recently ditched diapers during nap times and so far so good.  (Finger's crossed!)  At nighttime, we still keep him in a diaper even though he stays dry more often than not.  We tried one night to let him sleep in underwear and it didn't end well, so we decided to not worry about it again for a bit.  Although, the last few nights he woke us up because he needed to go to the bathroom at 2 am.  (Thanks Max! ha!)  I know there are different pros and cons to different methods here, but with a 5 month old who's relearning how to sleep without a swaddle, I'm gonna lighten my load for a bit and stick to diapers at night until we are all ready!

Max's Best Potty Quotes

Kids really do say the most hilarious things.  I'm so thankful I wrote these down because I never want to forget them.  Ever.

Watching himself go to the bathroom, "Whoa!  That's a big poop!"

"Mommy, there's so many poops!"

Flushing the toilet, "Bye poop!  See you in twenty years!" (No idea where that came from!)

Pointing at his Lightning McQueen underwear, "When Micah gets bigger, SHE will wear these underwear!" (Because I always show him the clothes she wears of his!)

Sitting on the potty, "Mommy, Am I your hero?!" (I always told him he was my hero when he peed on the toilet, ha!  Too much positive reinforcement?  Never.)

"Ohhhh, what did I eat?!" (When looking at what he left behind...) 

Asking him to get dressed, "No, I just wanna be like this naked." 

Anytime he is playing with toys and then needs to go to the bathroom, "I have to go to the potty! Can they watch?!" And then he sets up all his toys on the counter to watch him.  Strange? Very. 

If you read this far, I hope you enjoyed hearing about our potty training adventure!  If you've gone through it- Congratulations  If you're currently going through it- You've got this!  If you're waiting for it to happen- Don't worry; it really isn't that bad.  Remember, you too can have a potty party!

"School" with Max & Micah

Before Micah was born, I used educational games and toys with Max a lot.  I definitely slowed down a bit when Micah was a newborn, because...well- survival, but now that she's older I've been more intentional about our playtime together.  Max is very smart and has an impressive vocabulary and I believe a big part of it is because of how we played and read together all the time, so I want to do my best to do that for Micah too.  It's definitely harder to find times for educational play with two kids, especially because Max is currently obsessed with Cars, Toy Story & Monster's Inc.  He's been watching way more movies than I care to admit right now, but we've been finding time here and there to play and learn together like we used to.  The "trick" now is that Max "teaches Micah."  Micah sits in her little desk (aka- her Bumbo chair), and we talk to Micah about colors and letters and shapes and numbers.  It's amazing and one of my favorite things ever is to hear Max talking to her and telling her everything.  He uses the sweetest little voice and narrates life for her.  I wonder where he gets that...?  I may not be a school teacher anymore, but I will always be a teacher to my kids and I love watching them learn and grow.  Now that they're starting to do it together it is even better!  

Guys, her cheeks... 

Most of our school materials are from the Target dollar Bins, which are amazing this time of year!  (Well, let's be honest... they're always amazing.)  I have a few of these puzzle cards and think they're great, but it took me a second to figure out this G puzzle.  G is for cat?  Gato? Oh, gray. #mombrain

Sometimes Max gets reallllly into teaching Micah! 

Micah does a great job sitting and listening and watching while Max shows her everything he can. She usually lasts around 15-20 minutes before she wants out of her chair!  (That's pretty impressive for a 4 month old!)

I love being a mom and I love teaching my little babies anything and everything I can.  What sort of educational games and toys do you like using with your littles?  I'd love to hear them!

Forgotten Photos of Summer Fun

My computer is constantly telling me that I've run out of space, so I always have to delete files and upload photos to my hard drive before I can upload new photos to my computer.  The silver lining in this often annoying task is that I find forgotten photos on my camera and then get to relive the memories while I look through them.  A couple weeks ago, we went to a concert in the park with friends and the lighting was gorgeous, so I snapped a few pictures of my kiddos.  Max moves so fast that most of his were blurry, but Micah is currently the perfect subject because she moves very little.  (I'm taking advantage of it while I can!)  I love all these photos though, blurry or not, because they're of my beautiful children enjoying a beautiful summer night.  Enjoy!

Max loves playing with his buddy Tessa!  They're only 3 days apart!

Max is so graceful...& Micah and Kyle are almost too much for me to handle.

I don't think Max sat still for one minute and that's okay with me.  Micah's eyebrows were out in full force & she was drooling to the max!

Here's to more summer nights like this one & while the photos may be temporarily forgotten, hopefully the memories never will be!

Micah Leigh: Bows on Bows

Having a daughter is a dream.  Don't get me wrong, I also love having a son.  In fact, I was hoping, my entire life, to have my son first, but I always wanted a daughter too!  So, thank you Jesus for hooking a girl up!  There are so, so many reasons why I love having both a son and a daughter, but one of the silliest and trivial reasons I love having a little girl right now is... the outfits & the bows!

I loved dressing Max in his cute and adorable clothes, but little lady clothes are just too good these days.  I also have thoroughly enjoyed all the girl shops I've come across and the adorable bows we've discovered.  Micah is bald, so she literally wears a bow every day (& still gets asked if she's a boy, but that's okay!)  With every new outfit (& trust me... between drool, poop & spit up, there's at least 3 a day), comes a new bow!  I have a few favorite shops & one of the best is Love Amalie Maren.  Both of my sister-in-laws put her bows on my nieces, June & Selah, and I couldn't wait to get some for Micah!  Her wraps and bows are perfect and we are amassing quite the collection.  

Since I have to seriously control myself from constantly posting new photos of Micah, I thought I would share some here of Micah in some of our favorite bows!  Enjoy & if you have a daughter, be sure to check out Amalie's Etsy shop and follow her on Instagram! (@loveamaliemaren)

When you can't pick which headband to wear, you just take turns... I mean, look at these little wraps! 

Heading to the zoo in "boy colors", we obviously had to top off her outfit with a cute headband.

I had quite an excessive photoshoot with her the other day with her two new yellow bows.  I just can't get enough of this gorgeous girl! (& Side note: the bubble suits from Old Navy are amazing!)

Can you spot my favorite shot, mid-drool?! 

Time to switch bows!  Max stopped by to see what we were up to, then headed back to play with cars.

We also love these dainty little velvet bows and have a color for practically any outfit!  They're so sweet.  & I will never, ever get over Micah's eyebrows.  They're too good.

Kyle dressed Micah the other morning and added the perfect little pink bow to match the dots on her monster pats.  How sweet is that?!  

Thanks for making beautiful bows Amalie! -Micah Leigh

Micah Leigh: 5 Weeks, 6 days

Micah & I had our 6 week check up this past week and Micah weighed 10 lbs, 4 oz!  It's such a moment of pride, as a nursing mother, to see that number on the scale go up, but I cannot believe how fast she is growing.  I'm also so thankful she's growing well because it's unbelievable how much she spits up.  At least I know she is actually keeping something in her belly!  She's out of most of her newborn clothes and in size 1 diapers now.  In some ways it feels like I JUST gave birth to her & in other ways I can't really remember life without her.  (Well, I do vaguely remember a time when a burp cloth wasn't my number one outfit accessory!)  Anyways, I always take a ton of photos of my kids because it's so important to document each stage of these little one's lives.  They grow SO, SO fast!  

She wore this adorable strawberry outfit for the first time the other day & I was a little snap happy and couldn't stop photographing this darling little girl.  She's started smiling on purpose as a result of my insanely high mom voice and I just couldn't get enough.  I never want to forget these sweet smiles, her silly faces, the way she stretches, her balding head, etc.  Since, I took way too many photos to post on Instagram, I figured this adorable outfit (from H&M) was blog-worthy.  Don't you agree?

Did you see that little cheerleading move she had up there?  She looks like a flyer doing the liberty pose or a little Yogi doing tree pose!

Even though she's gained 3 pounds since birth, she's still so tiny & little!  I feel like you can actually tell how little she is in this photo!

After I took a bunch with my phone, I had to pull out my "real camera" to snap a few more of her adorable little face.

When I get these big smiles out of her I feel like I must be the most amazing person ever.  It's a REAL confidence booster.  (Then I get throw up in my hair & I'm brought right back to reality, but that shining moment lives on in my memory forever.)

Next up was some tummy time!  Micah does really well on her tummy right now, even though she doesn't last too long.  I love seeing how much stronger she gets every day.

I hope this doesn't sound like I'm bragging, because I just wrote all about how adorable she is, but I really see myself in this photo!  (Micah is a bajillion times cuter than me though!)  It's so fun having a baby that looks like you!  Max doesn't resemble me at all, so I wasn't expecting Micah to, but I definitely see it a bit!  What's weird is that I also think she looks JUST like Max.  I compare their baby photos all the time.  (I really, truly don't mind that Max looks JUST like his dad... I mean I married Kyle for a lot of reasons & one reason was how handsome he is! #honesty)  Anyways, do you see the resemblance here?  

I hope you enjoyed these adorable photos.  I'm kind of craving some strawberries now...yum! 

Micah's Newborn Photos

When Micah was almost 2 weeks old, I took some photos of her for her birth announcement!  (Timing with my all time favorite photographer, Brooke, didn't work out, so I was forced to take them myself!)  They do not compare to anything Brooke could have done, but I didn't know of any San Diego photographers and just couldn't get myself to try someone new!  (If you know of any awesome lifestyle photographers in the San Diego area, let me know, so I can keep them in mind for future photos!)  

Hopefully Micah will still love me even though her photos aren't as great as Max's were!  Not that she doesn't look beautiful in them... I just have limited skills & only a half decent camera!  Kyle helped me a lot with positioning the kids and keeping Max from jumping on Micah the entire time.  My mom also helped snap a few of us as a family of four and some with Kyle and I!  (Thanks mama!)  Anyways, enjoy an excessive amount of cuteness coming your way...

Any photo of Kyle & Micah makes my heart melt.  He is so sweet with her and loves his daughter so much!

Max did an awesome job taking photos with Micah and did not want to stop!

Aren't these two just the sweetest things?  These photos make me so happy because you can see how much Max loves Micah!

Look at her holding her dad's hand...

She might not have her own room, but I love her little corner.  It's so sweet!

The rest of the photos were taken the next day because I still needed a few different shots to choose from to make Micah's birth announcements!

I love her wrinkly little forehead & her stretching face she always makes! (See below!)

It's very difficult to get 4 people to be completely ready for one photo, especially when two of them are under two.  Max didn't last long with family photos before he was ready to play!

We let Max off the hook and finished taking photos of Micah.

Here come some more Kyle & Micah photos to melt your hearts.

I'm so grateful I have a daughter!

They might not be professionally done, but I will always treasure these photos of my sweet little Micah Leigh.

Here's a few photos of how her birth announcements turned out!  Again, I'm no professional, but I am pretty pleased with how they look & they were printed and mailed to us so quickly from Got Print! 

Cute Photos of Micah for No Reason Other Than They Are Cute Photos of Micah

I take an absolutely excessive amount of photos of my children.  I don't want to forget anything and taking pictures helps me remember details that I definitely would forget otherwise.  I snapped these photos when Micah was 6 days old & can't get over how much she's already changed and grown since then.  I also love the little Owl outfit, which I got at H&M on clearance in the winter!  I couldn't wait until she could wear it, and she did not disappoint.  I just love her so much!  (& Max, of course!)  Enjoy!

Being a Mother of Two: Two Things I Cannot Survive Without

Having two kids is hard.  It's amazing, beautiful & fun, but it's definitely hard.  There were times when Max was a newborn that I struggled.  Breastfeeding was a challenge for us, he didn't sleep through the night until he was 12 weeks old and it was inconsistent for a while after that, and we would have the occasional tough day.  For the most part though, it wasn't overwhelmingly hard.  I probably cried a little bit, but don't have memories of my emotions consuming me.  I knew having a second baby was going to bring more challenges, but until you experience it- you can't really know how hard something is going to be.  Boy, can two kids get hard!  

While I am pretty confident in myself as a mother, I wondered and worried a little bit about how I would do as a mother of two.  One thing I worried about in particular is how my relationship with Max would change.  We are together pretty much 24/7 and he had almost 2 full years of my undivided attention every day, so I had no idea how we would both adjust to the change.  If I'm being completely honest, this was very, very hard for me right after Micah was born.  My parents were spending most of their time taking care of Max and, emotionally, it was very hard for me.  I felt inadequate, useless & a little heartbroken that I couldn't do everything for Max AND Micah.  Logically, I knew that I needed to take it easy, rest, recover and focus on Micah, but emotionally I wanted to do it all.  I wanted to play with Max and give him baths and get him ready for bed and read him books and take him to the playground and teach him new things.  I just couldn't do all of those things.  Hormones are crazy after giving birth & that definitely added to the many tears I shed, but when you're in it- you just feel it no matter what you tell yourself.  During the first weeks of Micah's life, I cried a lot about this even though I was simultaneously loving having both of my babies.  

Another challenge that showed itself right away was timing everything.  Having a toddler who takes one nap a day, and a newborn who needs to nurse every 2 1/2 to 3 hours and who is still learning how to sleep on her own, makes timing everything and accomplishing anything super, super difficult.  It's extremely challenging having little to no time to maintain a clean apartment.  I'm not a total neat freak, but I do not like when the apartment is dirty or messy.  Something that makes a messy apartment even harder to deal with, is sitting on the couch for about an hour every three hours to nurse while just staring at all the things you should clean or pick up but cannot touch because you're stuck.

If you remember the title of this blog you're reading, you're probably wondering what actually helps me survive, instead of just hearing about all the things that are hard.  So here it is... When Micah was about 3 weeks old, I started to better deal with these feelings of failure because I began to learn to give myself two things: grace & a goal.  

We are our own toughest critic & I am no exception to that.  I always want to be better.  I want to do more.  I want to clean more & cook more.  I want to be a supermom for both my kids.  What I've learned in the first month of being a mom of two, is that it's okay to not be able to do everything.  It's okay to let my husband take care of bedtime, while I sit on the couch and nurse Micah.  It's okay to not give Max my undivided attention 24/7.  He's still going to love me and he's going to be okay.  I've learned to give myself grace about our changing relationship and focus on the highlights of our days, like when Micah is sleeping and I can read him books, or make him giggle, or eat lunch with him.  I might not be able to do as much for him right now, but I've given him an amazing gift who he absolutely loves & adores- his baby sister.  Our daily life and our relationship also might not look the same as it did, but that's not necessarily a bad thing.  Things are different, and while some things are harder, so many things are amazing and so much better.  Max is doing great and is happy and loving Micah so much.  He always wants to hold her and kiss her and sometimes when I ask for a kiss, he says, "No, just Micah!"  A tiny part of me gets sad because I want him to want to kiss me, but mostly it just makes me happy because he loves his sister and that's the part I choose to focus on.  (And I usually do get a kiss at some point!)

Also, it's okay for the house to be a bit messy.  It's okay to not get everything done.  It's okay to ignore the 32 children's books & 48 hot-wheels all over the floor and just enjoy my children.  It's okay to give myself some grace.  It's okay for you to give yourself grace too.  Life won't always be like this; it is just a season, and a short season at that.  Before I know it, I'll be sitting in my clean house and thinking back to this challenging time and yearning for my babies to be little and to need me 24/7.

Coming to this realization has allowed me to enjoy the precious little moments of our day more.  A few days ago, the apartment was quite messy and Max spotted some bubbles and was begging me to take him outside to blow them.  Instead of worrying about cleaning, I just said "okay," strapped Micah into the Boba & took my little man outside to blow bubbles.  Later, when I was telling Kyle about our day, I was so proud of myself for choosing something as simple as blowing bubbles with my two year old over the demands of my to-do list.  It didn't matter that the dishes needed to be put away & the laundry needed to be folded because I made my little boy happy and chose joy.  Focusing on that positive and giving myself grace about what I didn't do made all the difference in my day.  Plus, Max isn't going to remember the house being messy, he's going to remember the feeling of being loved and happy.  

The second piece of my survival guide is giving myself a manageable and simple goal every day.  I was feeling super overwhelmed every day and cried multiple times about how many things I couldn't do.  I was focusing on my failures and letting it overwhelm me.  Then, one day I just decided to pick one thing to accomplish.  My goals have ranged from super basic to significant.  One day my goal was literally to repaint my nails.  And you know what happened when I was done?  I felt great!  I'm not trying to move mountains or cure cancer, I'm just trying to feel like I'm doing something a little more than just getting through each day.  Some other goals I've had are cleaning the bathroom, taking Max to the doctor, finishing my pregnancy photo book & finishing this blog.  It's amazing how this super simple and easy shift in thinking has changed my days.  I honestly feel so much better.  Some days I just finish my little goal and some days I complete it and three other things!  And then, some days I don't actually complete my goal, but I give myself grace and plan to accomplish it tomorrow.  When I don't reach my daily goal, I remind myself about the things I did do that were wins- like making Max giggle, chatting with Micah, blowing bubbles or reading books to my babies.

Every day, all day long, I have to make choices about what is a priority and what can wait and I have to tell myself that whatever choice I make that day- it's going to be okay.  I am learning to give myself grace when some days I choose to blow bubbles or take a nap with Max and Micah instead of cleaning up after lunch.  I also have to give myself grace on the days that I ask him to play by himself or watch a movie & Micah cries a little longer than usual, so I can clean the bathroom or do the dishes.  Everything is going to be okay.

If you're in a similar season of life, I hope reading this helped you feel like you're not alone in feeling what you're feeling and I hope it helped give you a little inspiration for how to survive and enjoy life with two babies.  I was just texting with a good friend who has a newborn and a toddler too and we realized we were both feeling the same feelings and struggling with very similar challenges.  So, know that you're definitely not alone!  It is not easy taking care of two kids, but if you can train yourself to focus on the positive parts and give yourself grace and a goal, you can truly love and enjoy every day!  I might not enjoy every single second of every day, but I can say, without a doubt, that I love being a mother of my two babies and wouldn't want to be anywhere else.  Max and Micah brighten my life and are my greatest joys.  I mean, did you see all those adorable photos of my two babies?!  

Just remember, you need grace and a goal.  

PS: I also have to mention that I couldn't be surviving without my amazing husband, Kyle! He has given me so much grace as I'm figuring out this mother of two thing!  Thank you Kyle!

Micah's Birth Story

My second pregnancy had many similarities and a few differences from my first.  One of the biggest differences was the end of the pregnancy.  Max had totally surprised us by coming early, with very few Braxton Hick’s contractions.  With Micah, I had been having much more noticeable Braxton Hick’s contractions for weeks leading up to my actual labor.  There were even a couple nights where I wondered if something real was going to happen, but for weeks I would wake up every morning still pregnant & waiting.  I was more pregnant with Micah than I had been with Max!

On April 7th, I was laying with Max in his bed as he was falling asleep and felt my water break at 8:30pm.  It was a very different sensation than it had been when my water broke for Max.  With him I felt a definite gush that woke me up and I jumped out of bed and ran to the toilet.  With Micah, I could slowly feel water coming out and soaking my underwear, but thankfully nothing got on Max’s bed!  I told Max I had to go to the bathroom and left his room to investigate.  Thankfully, Kyle was in the bathroom and I told him what happened and then I called my sister, Stephanie, who was in PA waiting for labor news to hop on a plane.  I explained what had happened, and she told me to smell it to make sure it didn’t smell like urine.  (Pregnancy problems.)  I looked at Kyle and he said, “Do not make me smell it.”  HA! Men.  It was definitely my water.  

I had to recreate the same photo I took after my water broke with Max.  This time I was less shocked, but just as excited!

Stephanie started making plans to get on the first available flight and we talked about what I should do.  My parents had already been staying with us in California, so I let them know what was going on and they helped me get ready and cancelled some plans they had for the next day.  I packed up the rest of my birth bags and food.  At some point, I leaned over to get something and felt more water gush out.  It made me laugh!  Then, I showered, repainted my nails and then got into bed to try to sleep.  We put The Office on so I could try to relax my mind and not dwell on the impending labor.  As I suspected, I got no sleep, and Kyle got maybe an hour.  

Too excited to sleep!

At 9:55, I had my first contraction, but it was super light and easy.  I continued to lay in bed, relaxing, but not sleeping.  

Around 11:00 pm, I texted my sister that the contractions were closer together than I would have expected so soon, but they weren’t hard, just uncomfortable.  I ate a Clif Bar to try to store up some energy for the fun to come.  

At 12:55, I decided to get into the bath and told Kyle I needed him to wake up and be with me and time my contractions.  I wanted him to have as much sleep as possible, but emotionally, I needed him with me.  They weren’t insanely hard yet, but I was trying to keep calm and relaxed and hoping that maybe, just maybe, my sister would be able to make it to California in time.  Though, I was definitely having my doubts that Micah would wait that long.  If she made the flight, which was full, she would land in San Diego at 9:30am.  My contractions were averaging between 4-6 minutes apart and were around 40 seconds in length.  While I was in the tub, I also ate a banana and kept drinking lots of water.  

You have to fuel up before any big event!

At 1:18 am, I called the birth center to let them know that my water had broken and I had been having contractions.  My midwife, Shari, told me to drink lots of water, have a snack and try to sleep.  I told her I would try but that so far I wasn’t able to get any sleep.

At 2:20 am, I got out of the tub to try to see if I could sleep between any contractions in bed.  I got into the side lying position, but I did not get any actual sleep.  During each contraction, Kyle stroked my arm and told me I was doing a great job and reminded me to breathe with my belly.  

At 2:50 am, we called the midwife to let them know that we would be coming in soon.  I had a hard time deciding if we should bring Max at this point, and Shari told Kyle not to have me make any decisions.  After we got off the phone, we woke up my parents to let them know we wanted to leave and we were still trying to decide if we should bring Max.  I ended up getting super emotional and crying saying I wanted him to come.  I didn’t want to be away from either of my boys and I knew I wanted Max to be there for the birth, so I just knew I needed him to come.  I was crying and said, “I need to go see Max now!” It definitely wasn’t a logical or rational decision, but a purely emotional one.  I went into Max’s room and laid with him because I just needed some time with my little boy before everything changed.  After a few minutes he woke up, while Kyle and I were laying there.  He was a little confused at first but we asked him if he wanted to go to the midwife so we could have his baby sister.  “Hear baby sister’s heart beat?” he asked and Kyle said, “We are going to see your baby sister’s face!"  That warmed my heart.  I had a couple contractions while we were in Max’s room and he just watched me and I heard Kyle say, “Look at Mommy, tell her she’s doing a good job!”  Then, Max got up, unaffected by it being 3 in the morning, and said “Let’s go! Let’s go to the midwife!”

At 3:10 am, we were on our way to the birth center.  When we walked out the door, Kyle grabbed my hand and said, “We’re gonna have another baby!”  It made me smile and get so excited and then I had another contraction and made Kyle hold me up in the hallway as I breathed through it.  Kyle, Max and I were in one car and my parents were in Kyle’s car.  Kyle and I were discussing the decision to leave because we knew we weren’t as far along as I was with Max when we went to the hospital, but we were glad we were on the way.  With Max, I showed up 8cm dilated, at 0 station, 90% effaced, and basically in transition.  The midwives had told us NOT to wait as long this time because everything would move faster with baby number two and we didn’t want to have the baby in the car.  The car ride was about 15-20 minutes long and I had multiple contractions.  Because I was sitting up straight, they were very difficult to manage.  I was glad we didn’t wait longer because I didn’t want the car ride to be worse.  When we got to the birth center, I heard a baby cry from another mom that had just given birth and it made me excited knowing I would meet Micah soon!  

We headed up to the birthing room, so I could get checked.  I was 5 cm and at -2 station.  I was a little bummed hearing that she was at -2, but I also reminded myself that everything would move more quickly than it had with Max.  I also thought to myself that I was an absolute champ during Max’s birth for laboring for so long at home.  Not to toot my own horn, but- toot toot.  That was impressive!

Once the bath was ready, I got in and reclined back, doing my best to relax.  I was very vocal and told everyone how much it hurt.  Kyle was right by my side, holding my hands through contractions and being an amazing coach.  The contractions were getting so intense and I was really struggling to stay calm and relaxed, but he kept telling me that I was doing a good job.  He and one of the midwives were great about feeding me small bites of applesauce and blackberries as well as having me drink water and gatorade between contractions.  

There were 4 midwives in total at my birth, the CNM, a second midwife, and they each had a student midwife with them.  I felt so supported and never felt overwhelmed by the amount of people there.  My parents were also in and out, helping with Max and checking on me.  My sister, was on a flight from Newark to San Diego, sitting in the jump-seat in the cockpit, and was facetiming pretty much the entire time with the help of my mom.  She can now add “virtual doula” to her resume!

As the contractions got more intense, the midwives, Steph and Kyle were reminding me to breathe with my belly, to breathe low and they were helping me change the noises I was making to more productive sounds.  Even though I felt like I wasn’t necessarily doing a good job, it was really helpful to have all these coaches and supporters guiding me.  At the peak of the contraction, I was definitely breathing rapidly and with everyone’s help by the end of my contraction I was able to slow down.  They kept telling me to say, “Open, Open” and I tried to visualize everything opening for Micah and while I wasn’t always successful, I do feel like it helped.  I'm sure it was just as hard with Max, but there was a part of me that felt it was more intense this time around.  I held Kyle’s hand pretty much the whole time and it helped me focus and stay calm.  If he ever wasn’t holding my hand and a contraction came on, I would call out his name so he would grab it.  He tried putting pressure on my lower back at various times and other massage techniques, but I really didn’t want anything but him holding my hand.  After the birth he told me I made it easy on him, ha!  Having his love and support was everything to me during labor.  I literally could not have done it without him.  Whenever Max came in, Kyle would tell him how I was doing a good job and I felt his little hands rub my arms a few times.  I felt so loved even though I felt SO much pain.  There were a few times where I just couldn’t believe that things were going to get harder before it was over, but I would tell myself, sometimes out loud, “It will all be worth it.  She’s coming soon!”  I was also reassured every time they listened to her heartbeat because it was strong and they kept telling me she was a champ.  

Around 5:30 am, they had me get out of the tub to try to use the restroom and it was very intense and I could feel that Micah was getting so low.  My sister said she could hear how my vocals had changed and thought to herself, “Wow, that baby is moving down!”  

At 5:44 am, second stage labor began.  When I was back in the tub, I was in a half squat position while holding on to the side and felt an intense change in the contractions.  I shouted, “I’m pushing!” because there was nothing I could do to stop myself.  This was another thing that was really different with Max because I never felt an overwhelming urge to push with him.  With Micah, it was insane how overwhelming the feeling was.  I couldn’t have stopped my body from pushing if I tried, and I did not want to try.  It was extremely expulsive and felt radically different than first stage contractions.  I then got back into a traditional position to continue pushing.  I told Kyle to tell my parents to bring Max in and he said, “he’s already here behind you.”  I thought that was really funny.  My mom had Max and Stephanie on FaceTime behind the tub.  Max wanted to get into the bath with me so badly, so he took all his clothes off and was waiting somewhat patiently.  My mom told me she was trying to cover his penis so he didn’t pee on my head… not that I would have noticed, ha!  

Max is ready & waiting!

With each contraction, I could feel Micah getting closer and the midwife, Tatyana, who was going to catch the baby was helping me stay in control as much as I could.  Kyle also got into the tub at this point and was in front of me, holding my hand and my leg.   

Tatyana did an amazing job helping me slow my breathing and steady my pushing so everything could stretch naturally without tearing.  She had me reach down and feel Micah’s head when she had started to crown and I remember saying something along the lines of, “so squishy!”  Pushing her head out definitely hurt the most.  The midwives were reminding me to breathe slowly and use “horse lips breathing” where you blow your lips out so you don’t push as forcefully.  Tatyana was great at helping me push with control.  Once her head was all the way out, I got a nice long break between pushes which I needed.  My mom told me afterwards that it was crazy seeing Micah’s head out and just under water, even though she had seen my sister’s previous water births.  I was just so thankful to get a breather between.  I felt her head and a huge smile crossed my face, but I couldn’t keep my hands down there for whatever reason, so I brought them back up.  I told myself, “We can do this.  We can do this.”  With Max, after his head and shoulders were out, Dr. James told me to reach down and grab him and I did.  I wanted to do that with Micah, but physically wasn’t able to at the time.  I was also a little nervous still because I knew pushing her shoulders out was going to be another challenge.  I told everyone, “This hurts a lot!” as if they didn’t know, ha!  Then I cried out, “Someone hold my hand!” (The one Kyle didn’t have.)  Kyle reached for it, but I told him I wanted his other hand back on my leg, so my dad ended up grabbing my hand.  At the time, I had no idea who it was, for some reason I just needed my hand held.  My dad had strict instructions to be behind me, so he and the camera didn’t see anything I didn’t want them to see, ha!

After about a minute and a half, Tatyana told me I could try some slow, controlled pushes.  Approximately 30 seconds later, at 6:03, after 20 minutes of pushing, Micah was out, and I reached out to grab her.  Max got into the water and was watching and waiting.  She hadn’t cried yet, but one of the midwives turned her on my chest and then she let out a beautiful, miraculous cry.  Her first breath took 26 seconds.  At 1 minute after birth, her APGAR was 8 and 5 minutes later it was a 9.  Tatyana said she almost gave her a 10, but her hands and feet were not totally pink yet.  I started crying and just felt an overwhelming feeling of gratitude.  I cried/shouted, “Max it’s your baby sister!  Hi baby girl!”  She was covered in vernix and I kind of laughed saying, “Oh my goodness she’s covered in so much of that stuff!” because after pushing a baby out of your body, vocabulary words are hard to recall.  

I felt such a ridiculous, overwhelming amount of love.  “Hi pretty girl.  Thank you Jesus, Thank you Kyle.  Thank you everybody so much!” I cried.  Even though I had just pushed this baby out of me, I knew I couldn’t have done it without all the love and support of everyone around me and that feeling just overwhelmed me.  I was beyond grateful.  I was overjoyed, relieved, ecstatic, exhausted and probably like 17 other emotions as well.  Kyle was holding Max who wanted so badly to get closer and I told him, “Max, we did it!” and he reached out to touch his baby sister.  Then, I made everyone check to make sure she was definitely a girl!  Max was so excited and so focused on his little sister, and I’m so thankful we got to experience this moment as a family.  It was so important to me that Max was there and he did an absolutely amazing job.  He was never scared or overwhelmed by anything.  He just wanted to touch her.

He loves his baby sister, so much.

When it was almost time for my placenta to come out, Kyle and Max got out of the tub.  Once the cord had stopped pulsing, they clamped it and Kyle cut it.  At 6:14, I birthed the placenta and I am not gonna lie, the feeling of it coming out was amazing.  It felt so good and like such a giant relief.  After it was out, they gave Micah to Kyle so I could get out of the tub and into bed.  I had a little bit of excessive bleeding, so they told me they were going to give me a shot of pitocin.  This freaked me out because I didn’t want anything to be wrong and because I hate shots.  I might have just pushed a human being out of my hoo-ha, but the thought of being pricked with a small needle threatened to overwhelm me.  Thankfully, I was fine and I barely felt the shot.  It was a small dose and they said everything was okay.

Micah started nursing so well and basically nursed for close to two hours, while Kyle and I just laid in bed.  We enjoyed our celebratory Bradley orange juice, and ate bagels & a Clif Bar.  I was so happy and so relieved to be on the other side.  At the birth center, they give you the “golden two hours” where they do not take the baby from you and let me tell you, it’s amazing.  With Max, we had an hour which was wonderful, but it’s just so nice to not be rushed for any reason.  They checked Micah and I while I was holding her.  

After she stopped nursing, she was weighed and measured.  She was 7 pounds, 9.5 ounces, (slightly bigger than her 7 pound 7 ounce brother) and 19.5 inches long.  (Max was 20 inches.)  She peed while Tatyana measured her and then they told me she had pooped so much when she came out.  They had hardly ever seen so much meconium at birth.  I remember seeing it in the tub, but I’m not gonna lie… there’s a lot of stuff going on that I didn’t know what was what or from whom it came.  Then, my mom put a diaper on her and we swaddled her.  

Now it was Max’s turn to hold her!  He was beyond excited and looked at her with such adoration on his face.  Happy doesn’t even begin to describe the feeling of being with my family of four.  Once he was done, my parents got to hold her.  Micah is their 9th grandchild and Steph is due with number 10 this summer!  Then, we gave Max some of his “big brother presents” from Micah.  I had wrapped a few little things to entertain him during labor if my parents needed it.  He was having plenty of fun playing with the toys and checking on me, so he didn’t open anything until afterwards.  He was very excited about his new hotwheels and will tell you that they’re the ones from his baby sister Micah.

Max adores Micah.

Burns, party of 4!

Big Brother Presents from Micah 

Tatyana, the wonderful midwife who caught Micah!

My sister arrived around 9:50 am and she got to hold Micah and we started getting ready to go.  One of the most amazing things about giving birth at the birth center is that you go home so much sooner than at the hospital.  I couldn’t wait to leave with Max, so it was something I was really looking forward to.  Micah and I were both healthy and I could go to the bathroom unassisted, so approximately 5 hours after she was born we headed home, happily.  I sat in between the two littlest loves of my life as Kyle drove us home!

When we got home, I nursed Micah again, enjoyed a glorious double double and large chocolate shake from In-N-Out, because really what else would you eat after 9 ½ hours of labor and 20 minutes of the most intense pain of your life?!  I took one of the most refreshing showers in human history and then everyone took a much needed nap, except Stephanie who held and watched Micah for us.  She had been awake for close to 48 hours, but what are sisters for?!  I still remember spending the night at her house after my oldest niece, Kaila, was born to watch her while they slept.  

April 8th, 2017, 20 days before her big brother’s 2nd birthday, will forever be one of the best days of my life.  It’s tied with April 28, 2015, July 5, 2013 & the first day I danced with Kyle in our Pathways of American Dance & he stole my heart and we unknowingly started our journey towards this beautiful life with this beautiful & perfect family.

Thank you Jesus.

How I Had A Natural Birth

With the end of my second pregnancy approaching, I've been thinking about labor and birth a lot.  I had an amazing experience with Max, which you can read about here, so I can't stop wondering how this time will be similar or different! After I had Max naturally, I had a few people ask me "How did you do that?!"  Now, I'm not saying I'm special because I know tons of women have natural births, but I will say that I am proud of myself & those other women for doing so.  I couldn't, however, have done it on my own.  So, I thought I would share 5 of the reasons that I was able to have a natural & wonderful birth experience in the hopes that it might encourage you!  

I am not passing judgment on any woman who chooses not to have a natural birth, nor am I going into detail about why I had a natural birth, but if you're thinking about having a natural birth, these might help you figure out how you can do it because you can!

1.  My husband, My coach

Kyle was my rock during labor and delivery.  If you read my birth story, you would see that he was a HUGE part of the reason I was able to handle the pain.  During our childbirth class, which I'll touch on later, we were both trained on how to handle labor and we read "Husband Coached Childbirth" by Dr. Bradley.  Kyle comforted me, helped me relax, reminded me to breathe and loved me through the whole, crazy, challenging experience.  I could tell he was impressed with me and he kept telling me I was doing a great job and it was the most amazing thing to hear.  He was so proud of me which made me proud of myself and confident in myself.  Kyle kept reassuring me that I was doing great and that we would meet Max soon.  As we got closer to pushing, and through transition, I was having a really tough time staying relaxed and calm and he kept reminding me to breathe with my stomach and it was a huge help.  I'm not just saying any of this to be cute or romantic, I literally couldn't have done it without him by my side, rubbing my head and encouraging me.  Husbands have a HUGE, HUGE job in labor and even though it's not as physically hard as what the woman does, I think it is just as important.  If you're pregnant and preparing for labor, make sure your husband prepares too!  One of the first things I said after Max was born was, "thank you" to Kyle because he was incredible & I'm still thankful for what he did for me.

Less than 24 hours old in his amazing Dad's arms 

2. I was educated.

Having a baby is a pretty huge deal.  It's not just something you should enter into blindly.  Not learning as much as you can about birth is kind of like not going to any classes or studying and then showing up to your final exam and hoping for the best!  Thankfully, my sister, Stephanie Atteberry, is an amazing Bradley Birth Method teacher, so I already knew a decent amount about pregnancy and childbirth and knew who to turn to to get educated.  (If you live in the Lancaster, PA area and need a childbirth instructor or doula, you should definitely use her!)  I was also fortunate enough to witness her 4 children's births and I'm hoping I'll be there for baby number five!  

Anyways, there's definitely a lot of different childbirth classes and books out there, but the Bradley Method is the one I know, so it's the one I recommend- highly!  It is a 12 week program with a handbook, and a few extra reading assignments, so it might seem daunting, but it is so worth it.  It teaches you everything you need to know from proper nutrition to the stages of labor & how to deal with contractions, pain, and more.  There were multiple times during my labor that I was so thankful I knew what was going on.  I've heard stories of women being freaked out and scared because they didn't understand what was happening to them.  There are "emotional sign posts" that you learn about and I distinctly remember assessing my own emotional signposts throughout my labor.  I specifically remember thinking about them when deciding when to go to the hospital.  (As I talked about in my birth story, it was really important to Kyle and I that we not go to the hospital too early to avoid unnecessary interventions or pressure.)  "I'm not sure if we should go, but I know confusion is a sign of transition, so maybe we should go... but I don't know!  I also know women's adrenaline rush can slow contractions when they decide to go to the hospital, but that's not happening to me... I don't know!"  Those were actual thoughts running through my mind as we decided whether or not to leave.  Being somewhat confused and unsure made me realize it was the right time because that was a signpost to look for. (Turns out we left at a pretty good time because when we got to he hospital I was 8 cm dilated, at 0 station and 90% effaced... if you educate yourself, you'll know what all that means!)  Another time I was thankful for my education was when I threw up at the hospital.  (Pleasant, I know.)  I thought to myself that I was so glad I knew that was a normal sign of transition and not a sign of something being wrong!  Knowing signs of transition helped me realize I was getting closer to pushing and helped me cope with the pain because I knew the end was near-ish.  It was helpful that Kyle was educated too because he knew when I was in transition and knew we were getting closer by the way I was dealing with contractions.  I cannot overemphasize enough how important educating yourself is.  I could have easily let the pain scare me or overwhelm me, but I knew how to deal with it and knew what it all meant and it was empowering.       

My sister, Stephanie, our AMAZING birth instructor, left her family vacation in Florida early to fly to California & met Max a few hours after he was born (with Alton!).  She was the first person we called after my water broke and we discussed what I should do.  While she traveled with Alton, she was on the phone & FaceTime with us since she couldn't be there as our doula.  I could hear her encouraging me while I labored!

3.  Knowing it's what women were made to do.

Barring any complications, which I thankfully did not have, women are made to have babies naturally.  Before I was even pregnant, I always knew I would have an unmedicated birth.  Countless women have had babies without epidurals, so I thought, "why not me?"  My mom had multiple natural births, my sister had multiple natural births, and I just knew I could too.  It was as simple as that.  I don't want to come off as judgmental towards anyone who uses medication to deal with pain in childbirth because I understand there are many, many reasons to do so.  It just wasn't for me.  Ultimately, the most important thing is a healthy baby and mom, so I am all for anything that gets you to that point.  Again, I just knew for me- I could do it, so I did it.  I had a friend ask me, "Okay, so what's your plan if you really do need an epidural?  When you say to Kyle, 'I know I said don't give me the drugs, but give me the drugs!'" & my reply to her was, "I don't have one.  I'm not using them."  I wouldn't say I'm normally some super strong, determined person, but for this- I was.  Not having an "escape plan" so to say really kept me confident in my decision and goal.  During transition, I do distinctly remember thinking, "I totally get why women get epidurals, but I still don't want one."  Again, I'm not sharing this to boast and brag, but it does make me immensely proud and you can feel the same way too!  You CAN do it.

We did it buddy, we did it.

4.  I'm scared of the epidural.

I do not like needles.  I hate having blood drawn.  I can't watch when I get a shot.  So, the thought of a giant needle going into my back FREAKED ME OUT.  I was way less scared of childbirth than the epidural and what could possibly go wrong.  I know there are many times when epidurals have no negative side affects and everything goes perfectly, but I also know there are serious risks and complications that can arise.  I was more willing to deal with the pain of pushing a baby out of me than dealing with a giant needle going into my spine and the possible negative outcomes.  I also knew my recovery & Max's transition into the world would be better.  I was exhausted after having him, but I remember feeling really great the next day.  I felt WAY better than I had a few days before when I was SUPER pregnant!

Going home & feeling pretty great!

5. God.

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." (Philippians 4:13)  There's no doubt in my mind that God helped me throughout my pregnancy, labor and birth.  My labor surprised me by happening when it happened, with my water breaking as my first sign, but it went really well and I know God was watching over me.  I definitely cried out to him a few times while dealing with the pain and I couldn't have done it without his strength and love.  I also think he had the timing all figured out because we thought my parents and sister would be there, but it ended up just being Kyle and I.  For our first laboring experience, I think that was perfect for us because Kyle stepped up and coached me amazingly.  I don't know if he would have done anything differently with more people there, but I do know that it was perfect with just us.  I fell in love with Kyle even more for what he did for me and Max.  (No offense Mom, Dad & Steph... I do hope you make it in time this time! )  So, thank you Jesus for watching over me. 

Our perfect baby who arrived at the perfect time.  Thank you Jesus!

Birth is a beautiful & natural thing that I am so fortunate to have experienced.  I am so thankful for God, my husband, my sister & every other factor that contributed to my wonderful labor and birth.  I won't lie and pretend it was easy- it was the hardest thing I've ever done, but I've never been more proud of myself than I was after I had Max.  I am looking forward to another natural birth experience.  (I would love for you to pray that we don't have any unforeseen complications!)  If you're considering having a natural childbirth, I hope these five factors motivated you because if I can do it- you can too!

Baby, It's Cold Outside! Baby Shower

Before I flew back to California after the Holidays, my mom threw me a beautiful baby shower with the help of my sisters!  I didn't know anything about the shower except when and where it was.  When I walked in, I was so excited and touched to see how beautiful everything was.  My mom had worked so hard and put so much thought into every detail.  It was absolutely perfect!  It was pink and gold and sparkly and full of snowflakes.  It even snowed the morning of my shower to add the perfect winter wonderland touch!  Brooke took beautiful photos of the shower for me, so enjoy & be inspired if you ever need to throw a winter baby shower!

The dessert table alone was amazing and everything tasted SO, SO good.  Trust me... I tried them all.

My mom and Brooke set up some beautiful tables and served three delicious soups with breads, chips and veggies!  We didn't get any photos of the actual food because we were too busy scarfing it down.  Doesn't that happen so often?

Do you see what I mean about every detail being so beautiful and lovely?!  The Balloons, the gift table... everything had the perfect touch.

My mom made the perfect hot cocoa mix favors!

Even the drinks were beautiful.  There was pink lemonade, water & a coffee and cocoa bar to warm up with!

For Max's baby shower, the guests created an ABC book and he LOVES looking at it, so my mom said she had to make one for Bee too!  It's so cute!  She also had great prizes for some of the baby shower games!

My dad brought Max towards the end, so he could enjoy presents and dessert & boy did he enjoy the dessert!

I took a few snaps on my phone too, which obviously aren't as great of quality, but I just loved every detail of this party!

My great friend, Aubrey, is due in March with a little lady & looks amazing!  I was so glad she could come.  Then, I tried really hard to get photos of Max with the balloons, but of course he didn't care about pictures!  My nieces, Kaila & Stellia, are always game for a cute photoshoot though.  And, typical party mistakes... we didn't get a group photo with all my sisters before they left, but at least my mom, Steph and I remembered!

I cannot thank my mom and sisters enough for throwing me and Bee this BEAUTIFUL shower.  We are so loved and so fortunate to have these amazing women in our lives.  And, thank you to all the lovely women who came to celebrate with me.  I felt so special that day and know Bee did too.  Love you all!

Baby Bee Maternity Photos

When we were back east over the Holidays my sister-in-law, Brooke, took some maternity photos for us in Lancaster.  I am FINALLY getting around to sharing them in my attempt to catch up on life after being sick most of January, traveling so much and celebrating Kyle's birthday & Valentine's Day!

 When I was pregnant with Max, Brooke, TJ & June had a visit planned at the end of April and Brooke was going to take maternity photos for me then.  As you probably already know, that visit didn't turn out quite as planned because Max decided to come super early.  So my maternity photos turned into newborn photos with Max, but I'm actually so glad this happened because I absolutely love the newborn photos of Max and can't imagine not having them!  Plus, I took a lot of photos throughout my pregnancy with Max!  (Way more than I'm taking of this pregnancy..better get on that...)

One of my favorites from Max's newborn shoot... I can't believe I'm gonna have another tiny baby soon!

Anyways, I asked Brooke if she would take photos of us while we were home so that I didn't wait too long this time.  We walked around Overlook Park on New Year's Day and Brooke captured some lovely shots, as always.  I am still getting used to my hair being chopped off for Locks of Love & I felt and looked quite large because, sadly, I'm not one of those pregnancy woman who just have a belly, but I'm glad I have these photos to look back on and remember this pregnancy with little Bee inside me.  I hope you enjoy them & let me know which ones are your favorites!

Max was really not interested in being in photos on this particular day, but we tried our best.  He really just wanted to play with his hot wheels.  Boys will be boys.

He sure is cute though, right?!  Also, did you notice Max's shoes?  Kyle purchased those and they're his favorite!

My mom got Bee these adorable pink Toms for Christmas and I'm just so excited to be having a little girl!  

I cannot believe how quickly the end of my pregnancy is approaching.  In some ways, it can't come soon enough, but I have a lot to do before I'm totally ready for her!  People always talk about how different pregnancy number two is and it is SO true.  

Thank you again Brooke for the beautiful photos!  I can't wait to show them to my daughter when she's older & I can't wait for you to photograph her in the real world!

Baby B is a...

For the past few years, Kyle has had two long business trips in the weeks leading up to Thanksgiving, so I've gone home early to spend time with my family, rather than be alone in our apartment in California.  Then, Kyle joins us in PA for the week of Thanksgiving!  Since I had shared the news of our second pregnancy without Kyle on a trip home to PA, I knew I wanted him to be able to be a part of the gender reveal news.  That meant I was going to be with my family for 9 days without Kyle without sharing the news.  Plus I wanted the whole family to be together (which is super hard when there's about 20 of you), so I had to wait until Thanksgiving.  That meant it was a total of 21 days of knowing whether this little B was a boy or a girl WITHOUT spilling the news.  So, I lied, a lot.  (Forgive me Jesus!)  

All 20 (really 21) of us.. We're gonna need another new family photo next year!

My trip home was during the two week window that most woman get their gender-revealing ultrasound, so I just played it off that I was going when we got back home.  I did not tell anyone in my family that we had gone to our ultrasound.  Only a couple friends knew the secret because I had to tell SOMEONE!  We went a lot earlier than we had gone with Max, so it wasn't that hard to believe that we were waiting.  Selfishly, I knew it would be easier to keep the secret if they didn't know that I knew!  While I was home, I would casually ask Max and his cousins if he thought the baby was a boy or girl.  I would try to say "the baby" instead of he or she and sometimes I would purposefully say the wrong pronoun!  I'm so sneaky. Ha!

Anyways, my mom had arranged for Brooke to take a new family photo of us on Thanksgiving since we would all be together.  Our last photo was about 4 new family members ago!  So, I figured that was the perfect time to share our news.  I let Brooke in on the secret the day before and asked her if she would snap a few photos before we did our family pictures and she said yes, of course!  (Thank you, Brooke!)  Wednesday night, after Max had gone to bed, we gave the monitor to my dad and headed out to get some balloons.  Since my dad is a man he didn't ask what we were doing and my mom was upstairs and had no idea we ever left!  We snuck the balloons in that night, decorated the box and hid them inside until the next day.

On Thanksgiving, as the family was out back getting ready for photos, Kyle went upstairs to get the boy or girl box full of balloons!  My mom was in the kitchen when we walked by with the box. Her jaw dropped and she screamed, "DO YOU KNOW?!"  She was a bit excited!  We headed out with the box and as everyone saw what it was, they were so pumped and couldn't wait to find out!  I apologized to everyone I had lied to repeatedly about not knowing the gender, but they all forgave me and were ready to find out the news.  The majority of them were guessing girl, but my 6 year old nephew, Stephen, was pretty sure it was going to be a boy.  We got into position, got the box ready and revealed that Baby B is a ... GIRL!  When the pink balloons popped out, I heard lots of excited cheers, one 6 year old's dreams being crushed, and Max saying, "Balloon! Balloon!" It was such a fun moment and I'm so thankful we got to share it with the whole family!  I'm also so thankful Brooke was able to capture some fun and beautiful photos of the reveal!  

I knew I wanted to use balloons for the reveal because Max loves them.  His face and bright eyes in these photos did NOT disappoint!  I'm not sure how much he understands about what's happening, but I know he's going to be such an amazing big brother to his baby sister!

Before our ultrasound, Kyle would always joke that "he only makes boys," but I knew if/when we had a daughter he would fall in love with her and protect her and be amazing.  Even though she isn't here yet, it's already so apparent how much he loves her.  He's going to be such a good dad to her, just like he is for Max, but in a different way.  He's been so sweet during my pregnancy and so helpful.  Him and Max are definitely going to protect and care for their ladies and we are so, so lucky.  

My mom was completely convinced I was having a girl because as far back as she knows, her whole family has started with one of each gender as their first two kids!  I didn't ruin her family's tradition!  She was so excited to find out I was having a baby girl, especially right before our Black Friday shopping!

During Max's pregnancy, I was very sure that he was a boy from the beginning, but at the beginning of this pregnancy, I had no idea!  I mostly felt the same physically, so I figured it was another boy, but I just wasn't sure.  A few days before our ultrasound, I kept imagining the baby was a girl.  When I would think about how to do the reveal, I always imagined pink balloons and I even had a few dreams she was a she.  I didn't tell Kyle or the couple friends that knew about the ultrasound because I was a little anxious about being disappointed in the results. So, I just kept it to myself.  During the ultrasound, I was pretty sure I saw little lady parts before the technician officially told us, but I didn't say anything in case I was wrong.  When it was time to take the official peek at the parts, again I was 99% sure of what I was seeing.  Kyle, of course, had no idea what he was looking at, but then the technician confirmed what I already knew.  Baby B is a little lady!  We were all so excited!  (Well, Max was mostly excited to be playing with the glove balloon his dad made him, but still... the excitement was palpable!)

We cannot wait until this little lady joins us next year, but until then I will be on the lookout for baby bows, and all things pink and sweet!  We are also working hard on prepping our little man to take good care of his baby sister.  We love you so much already little Miss B.

Photos: Brooke Mousetis (Check out her blog here!)

The End of my (First) Breastfeeding Journey

A few months ago, I wrote about my experience with breastfeeding Max.  It started out kind of rough, but ended up being wonderful.  You can read that post here.  It's somewhat bittersweet, but our breastfeeding time has come to an end.  I thought I would share about it to hopefully encourage you mamas out there to listen to yourself and your baby when it comes to when and how to stop nursing.  Spoiler alert: I cried more than Max.

When I first found out I was pregnant, I was excited that I was still able to nurse Max, but had no idea how long it would last.  I had heard of other women whose milk dried up when they got pregnant, or who couldn't even get pregnant until they were done nursing, but I was very fortunate that this wasn't the case for me.  Max was still nursing about 3 times a day, in the morning, after his nap & before bedtime.  (I do want to point out, however, that he didn't nurse to sleep, I always put him down awake and then he fell asleep on his own.)  It was fairly easy to drop the after nap nursing.  I would just distract Max with toys or a snack.  He probably asked to nurse a few times, but there were no tears or sadness for either of us.  

After our most recent trip back east, Max's sleep was off a bit and there was a stretch of time where he was waking up in the middle of the night and would cry to nurse.  For the first few days, it was just easier to nurse him because I was guaranteed more sleep that way, but I knew I couldn't let him develop that habit of needing to nurse in the middle of the night when he was that old!  So, with Kyle's help & some perseverance, we had to just let him cry it out and within two or three days he was back to sleeping through the night.  (I know a lot of people have a problem with the cry it out method, but it has worked successfully for us and Max has always woken up every morning extremely happy to see us no matter how much he cried the night before.  Thank you Babywise!) 

Anyways, we continued nursing twice a day for the next few months because thankfully I still had milk and just wasn't ready to stop.  I had been getting Max in the morning when he called for me, brought him to bed to nurse and then Kyle, being a saint, would get up with him and feed him breakfast and let me catch up on a little more sleep.  (As a pregnant mom of a toddler, this was a LIFESAVER.  Note to all husbands: do this for your wife whenever you can!)  One morning about a week or two ago, (Max is 18 months now), Kyle got Max in the morning and didn't bring him to me to nurse.  Max asked for me a few times, but Kyle just distracted him with the offer of eggs in his airplane plate and he was totally fine.  I've gotten him a couple mornings and he has still asked to nurse, but I just say no and we decide what kind of breakfast to eat!  It was sort of amazing how easy it was.  I wish I had some life changing advice for other moms out there, but I think Max is pretty amazing and we are very fortunate!

A few days after I stopped nursing him in the morning, we were out past Max's bedtime with friends.  He fell asleep on the way home and we simply transferred him to his bed and he slept through the night for the first time without nursing!  I wasn't sure if this was a fluke, but the next night, we tried putting him down like normal except I didn't nurse him.  He cried for a few minutes and I jumped in the shower, so I wasn't tempted to get him too early and by the time I got out he was asleep.  Cue the tears... my tears.  It hit me so suddenly how fast Max is growing up and how big he is!  I literally just sat there in my robe crying for probably 5 minutes because my little baby didn't need me anymore.  Pregnancy hormones?  Maybe.  Kyle just giggled at me and told me everything was going to be okay, which it was.  Max did wake up about 30 minutes later and cried again, but I had literally just poured myself a bowl of cereal (definitely pregnancy hormones) & so I couldn't get him immediately and before I finished my bowl he was asleep.  The timing of my cereal was a total coincidence, but I think it was essential for me to let Max cry it out and fall asleep on his own.  On night three, he fussed a little when I put him down, then found Worthington & his pacifier (which we'll have to work on weaning from in the near future) & fell asleep.  After that, it really wasn't an issue at all, amazingly.  

I think the key here was that we changed nothing else about his bedtime routine.  We turned off the light, turned on his music, he gave his dad a hug and kiss and then I hugged and kissed him, put him down and said goodnight.  Approximately 1 minute later, I'm enjoying some quality time with Kyle and Max is settling himself down to sleep.  

Again, I wish I had some amazing advice, but I think the key was to wait until Max and I were ready and having Kyle get him in the morning and distracting him.  I also think Max being a "Babywise Baby" helped us because he has been trained to fall asleep without nursing.  Mostly though, Max is a very easy going child and so happy and calm.  I KNOW we were very fortunate with how easy this transition was.  Kyle and I keep talking about how lucky we are to have Max!

I'm so thankful that we had such a smooth transition and while I miss the time spent with Max, I know it was the right time for us to stop and it's not like he's heading off to college.  He really does still need me! Ha!  I also knew I wanted a little break before nursing baby number two.  I know some women tandem nurse their newborn and toddler, but I knew that wasn't for me, so I wanted to give Max time to adjust.  (Hopefully he won't get jealous when he sees his younger sibling nursing!)  Originally, my goal was to nurse Max for 12 months and we made it all the way to 18!  I am so glad we ended up having such a wonderful experience and I hope the same will be true to all of you!  I know I am very fortunate that I was able to nurse as long as I did, but I'm also proud of Max and myself for working hard to make it happen!  Go us!  Here's hoping baby number two figures it out right away and we have another awesome experience! 

And he still loves me!

We're Having Another Baby!

I am so excited to finally share that we are having another baby!  If you've known me for any period of time this news will not shock you, but it's still pretty amazing!  I've always dreamed of being a mom, have absolutely loved being a mom to Max and have hoped and prayed to grow our family someday!  That day should be sometime next April!  (If we've ever talked about pregnancy, you know I'm not a big believer in "due dates" more like "due weeks" because babies arrive when they and God are ready!)  So, we'll see when this little one shows up to meet us in person!

We tried to take some family photos the other night in order to share our exciting news, but when you're favorite photographer lives across the country & you only have a tripod and a self timer & are definitely not a photographer... things get tricky.  These were not the perfect photos I was hoping for, but the news is amazing nonetheless.  Also, Max was not at all interested in holding the ultrasound photo of the baby and literally spiked it to the ground every time we gave it to him.  I promise this does not at all reflect his actual feelings towards his little brother or sister though!  He's always kissing my belly, saying hi to the baby and absolutely loves watching a short clip we have of an ultrasound where the baby is jumping around in my belly.  Anytime I'm at my computer, he comes over and says, "baby" and then we watch it over and over again.  He's even started mimicking what the midwife says about the heart "flutter" and calls the baby a "jumping bean!"  It's adorable.

Do you notice anything funny about the last photo above?  Yep, the ultrasound is upside down.  Way to go, Sam!  That's what I get for not having someone standing behind the camera... oh well! Also, Max clearly found no reason to smile when his two favorite people were next to him instead of by the camera!

The three loves of my life!  Kyle has been absolutely amazing during this pregnancy.  He's cooked for me and encouraged me to eat what I should for the baby.  He lets me sleep in whenever he can and hangs out with Max when I'm exhausted and just need to lay down!  

I wasn't joking when I said Max kept throwing the ultrasound photo to the ground! Thankfully, I backed it with some cardboard so he didn't ruin it!

We tried getting him to smile by asking him how old he is!  It didn't really work, but at least he knows' he's one year old!

His facial expressions are amazing & I can't stop wondering/imagining what our new baby will look like!

After we finished taking the "official" photos, we enjoyed the sunset and I snapped a few pictures of my favorite boys with my iPhone.   La Jolla is certainly beautiful!

Of course Kyle had to toss Max into the air a few times.  Don't worry, he won't throw the new baby for quite a while!

The bump is real.

There have been a lot of similarities and a few differences so far in this pregnancy and I'm sure I'll share about it in more detail in future posts, but let me know what advice/knowledge you have for pregnancy, birth & life with baby number two!  We cannot wait for this Burns family to grow and are so excited to meet this little one!

Max at the Pumpkin Patch

Fall is definitely one of the most wonderful times of the year.  Even though it's not as cool as I would like, it's still so much fun, especially with Max.  Last year was an awesome time celebrating his first fall, his first pumpkin and his first Halloween and this year is even better!  Max loves pumpkins and I love hearing him scream, "PUNNNN-KIN!" We had a lot of fun at Oma's Pumpkin Patch yesterday, despite the huge crowds!  (The line was insane when we got there, which I was not anticipating at all, but it's always worth it to see Max's smile at all the new experiences.)  They had little pumpkins for the kids to pick, a bunch of super smelly animals, bouncy areas, cotton seed slides, hay rides and more.  Max was a bit small for a lot of the activities because I didn't want him to get run down by all the big kids, but we had fun regardless!

Max was definitely way more concerned with exploring than staying still for my photos, oh well!

One of Max's favorite things to do was lift the pumpkins up and say "heavy!"  He tried with so many different pumpkins, most of which were bigger than his body!

These photos of Max & Kyle make me so happy.  Have I mentioned that I love them?!

I tried really hard to get Max to sit next to me with a pumpkin on his lap, but he simply was not interested.  He did end up stealing my big pumpkin though!

The highlight of Max's day was definitely driving the tractors.  Every time we walked past one he yelled, "tractor!" and wanted to sit on it and drive.  He's the cutest thing & I especially love that lost photo above of his excited face while driving!

Max enjoyed checking out the chickens too!

I'm not sure how it's possible, but he just keeps getting cuter and cuter... as evidenced by the photos above!

Bonus Photo: This was from last week when we were going to go to the pumpkin patch, but it was 85 degrees that day, so we changed our plans! But, how could I not share!?

I hope you're enjoying your fall filled with pumpkins, sweaters & happy babies.  I always love seeing pumpkin patch photos all over Facebook, so I hope you enjoyed Max's photos!